Tag Archive for writing

Taking things a half-day at a time

Heya! It’s Wednesday here, and I’m currently trying to enact a new schedule for me. Namely, one where – when it’s a day that I have to go to work – I do some writing in the morning (for at least an hour, hour and half) and hopefully carry on in the evenings. And that, I’m hoping, will lead to being able to focus and do more writings in my three-days weekends.

At the moment, the ones that I’m finding it easier to get on with are the game guides, doing some writing from memory (and referring to other guides) in the mornings, then playing them in the evenings following the guide and making amendments as I go along.

Obviously, game guides are not really what I want to be doing – I have no intention of doing anything further with them except for personal use – but I think it’s better to do something and get into the habit of doing something with the aim of getting better and doing things on a regular basis. Already I’ve been jotting down my ideas for Yore! down in notebooks. It’s just a question of merging them together and getting the best ideas out of them.

The ultimate aim, of course, is to be able to get to a schedule where I’m writing stories and the like on a daily basis and only doing Yore! and game guides secondary. I’m not there yet, but that’s the aim.

I can’t afford to look that far ahead, though. The important thing I need to do right now is make sure that I keep this up, turn this into a habit, and… Yeah. Like I said on Twitter, I’m at a stage where I kind of need to keep working on myself a half-day at a time, working out what I’m gonna be doing and then actually getting on with it. Hopefully, soon, I’ll be able to think about taking it a day at a time, then a week and so on.

Yesterday, I couldn’t do that. The morning was because I had to leave early (like, before 7) because I needed to get petrol for my car and it was really low because the petrol station I know about close to my new place was shut and the only other ones I knew were too far away or in an awkward position (like, dual carriageway with a short exit awkward). Thankfully… I was able to get petrol from that dual carrageway station and get out onto the road without any problems. And then yesterday evening, I had an idiot try and cut me off on the road, while I was driving back from work. Pretty sure the idiot was one of those white supremacists as well.

This is what I dun like about myself. I let these things affect me. I was annoyed and upset yesterday evening and I couldn’t focus on anything. In the end, I pretty much stayed on Twitter and watched recorded shows like “Enter the Dragon” (I only recorded that because I know people basically keep saying how great this film is and everything…).

Yeah… I still need to learn how to just shrugs it off and move on. Idiots like him are everywhere and I shouldn’t let them affect me like this. I know there are a lot of white supremacists around and I’m not stupid enough not to think that – as a black lady – I don’t get this kind of treatment on a regular basis, but… Equally, I can also say that, as a deaf person, I don’t normally hear them, plus I’ve learnt to tune them out and ignore them years ago. This is different. This is visual, this was a guy who almost caused me to get in an “accident”. So, yeah… I think it’s because it’s different from the normal.

Anyway… The fact I’m writing now means I’m starting to get over it, and I’ll be fine tonight. *nods*

Well, unless something else happens, but I hope not! *grins*

Yesterday at work was a bit tiring too. I had a rather complicated specification come in that I needed to work on. The SQL bit wasn’t a problem, it was the Excel side of things. I’ve never used pivot tables (well, I’ve refreshed them, but that’s the only I ever did in the past), and – this is something I’m kinda proud of – I self-taught myself how to put together pivot tables, learnt how to set up calculated fields, learnt how to use slicers and link pivot tables together and answered pretty much every problem I’ve had come up… And all that in the space of 3 hours. I’m sure other people would’ve done it much faster than me, but hey… I’m satisfied with how I’ve done! 🙂

But here’s hoping today’ll be better and I can do more game guides work or Yore! stuff tonight!

Okay… Gonna stop here for now. I’ll see you again soon!

It’s Friday! Yay!

Heya! Whew… I’m so, so glad it’s Friday. The whole week has been so tiring and so boring and so… stressful at the same time. *sighs* I do sometimes wonder whether I should just extend the contract to work at that place until the end of the year (as I provisionally agreed with), or just get out at the end of the month.

The problem is, at the moment, I need to work and earn money, so… It’s not like I have much of a choice. I haven’t had any luck finding anything else that I can do, and when I do find something (IT-related), I’m not getting anywhere with anyone. And when people do contact me, it’s always “give us a call, go on”, or it’s related to jobs that are jobs that I know I wouldn’t be able to do so what’s the point of even e-mailing me in the first place? A quick glance at the CV that you’ve apparently looked at would’ve told you that!! *smh* *growls* Whatever… At least, with this contract, I have Fridays off so I can work on what I actually want to do, writing.

I’m still trying to work out the right way forward, and I haven’t got a clue, quite honestly. I feel like I need to find someone, sit down with them, and talk about how I can get moving forward with everything, being paid to be a freelance writer for someone. Even if it means just writing up technical documents or whatever, I’d be far happier doing that than sitting in a office surrounded by people for like 8 hours a day every day, trying to find enough to keep me busy throughout the whole day…

Anyway… Let’s put all that to one side. This weekend, I’m mostly planning to do work on the Yore! side of things. The fact that I’m stressing out so much right now, and with the effects of the end of summer, I haven’t been able to focus on the novels that I’ve been writing (and yes, I means novels, plural), and whenever I do sit down and start trying to write them, I’m not getting the words out right (honestly, you should see how many pages are more crossed-out than actual words that I can use…!). I kind of like need a period of time where I can just take it easy, de-stress myself, and then I’d be able to focus and get it all down on paper.

Maybe do some more game guides writings as well, but the main focus is gonna be Yore! stuff.

Okay… I’m gonna go and post this now. There’s gonna be another post soon (I’ll probably write it all out and then double-post it, actually… *grins*) which is why this is a little on the short side… *grins* And I’ll write again soon!

After that, well… I actually need to go through my twitter account and remove some people. I’m pretty sure that there’s a few that I’m following who followed me first and then removed me… *shrugs* There are quite a few people that I have no problems following and not being followed back, but others… Well, if they dun like what I write and retweet… I dun really care. But I do need to tidy up the twitter account, so… Yeah.

Shrugging off Autumnal effects


So, it’s the end of summer, and we’re now going through Autumn. Whoopee… *grins* At the same time here, it just felt like everything went all gloomy and wet over here. Certainly nowhere near on the level of what’s been happening in the Caribbean and so on, but definitely been your average British wet and gloomy weather. And I think that double-whammy – and a few other things – kind of made me feel a little down.

And by other things, I means, I’ve been going through some stuff which has been reminding me of my past, basically, and I dun really want to remember the past, to be honest. I’m trying to adopt the mentality of “the past is the past, leave it there”, but over the past few days, it’s been rearing its ugly head and roaring “PAY ATTENTION TO ME!” right in my face. *sighs*

Basically, I’m trying to make sure that I’m looking forward to whatever’s gonna happens, with optimism and hope, and not keep looking back and thinking “I wish…” or “What if…”.

The good news is, I’m almost finished. I still have some stuff left to do, but that won’t be for another couple of weeks or so, when I’m hopefully mentally a bit better.

What I’ve been doing is trying to cheer myself up, and making things brighter here. Like, I’ve dug out my lightboxes (I took the one that I bought for myself at work back to my place when I was made redundant back in May) and I’ve set them up, and I’ve used them a couple of times. The almost-natural lights does helps a lot. As well as that, I’ve been doing things like watching DVDs of “Death in Paradise” and re-reading Medusa’s story in Astoria: Fate’s Kiss. Doing things that can pick my mood back up and everything.

I was hoping to do some writing today – outside of the blog post I’ve always intended to put together today, that is – but… *shakes head* Cooking and cleaning up took me longer than I expected, not to mention all the other things that I needed to do today… *rolls eyes*

(Yeah, I’m trying to make sure I’m eating properly again – the next step of getting back on the diet plan) Didn’t help that I burnt some of the rice… Oops… *lol* My fault, I thought I’d put in enough water, but I guess I needed to put in an extra cupful. (I thought the accepted measurement was 2 cups of water for 1 cup of rice, but I guess either my cooker’s a bit more powerful than the one at my old place, or I didn’t have the temperature at the right level, so… Next time, I’ll put in three to be on the safe side) Fortunately, I was able to shift the burnt rice and clean the pan without too many problems.

Fortunately, from what I can work out, tomorrow evening should be relatively quick so I can get sitting down and writing with a couple of hours to spare. Which is good.

That the main thing I gotta do now – make sure I give myself time to write daily. Could be anything – could be stories, could be Yore! work, could be writing game guides, could be blog posts… Just as long as I do something every single day, get myself back into that habit again, and before long… Yeah. I’m looking forward to being in the right habits for me.

Okay… Gonna stop here for now, but I’ll write again soon – maybe tomorrow, more likely Wednesday. Got a few observations to make about things that’s been happening, so I’m not short of topics.

Saying that, though… If there’s anything you want me to write about… Do let me know! I’m always receptive to ideas! 😀

See you soon! 😉

Making the most of bank holiday Monday

Heya! How goes things?

I have to admit, when I got out of work last Thursday, I totally didn’t know that today (Monday) was a bank holiday here. But then, I didn’t really think of today as being the last Monday of the summer (Bleh!). But after the weekend being, well… It wasn’t just a headache, let’s just say, it was a bad weekend. But seeing as how I didn’t have to work today, I figured the best thing to do is to pretty much just call August a write-off, and start again from September 1st – which conveniently happens to be Friday! *grins* (Although, hopefully, it will rather be almost straight away from Thursday evening after work…)

So, today, I’ve been doing a lot of work around the place – getting all the paperwork sorted out (old bills and everything and making sure I haven’t got anything outstanding that’s gonna pop up at a later date – and thankfully, I haven’t. Everything’s all caught up and paid) and making sure all the housework – laundry and cleaning up the place – is all caught up, and… Well, pretty much everything that I could think of that could be left outstanding from all the hecticness over the past few months. (And believe me, there was a fair amount)

Yeah, the plan was, just start off Friday with a clean slate and hopefully by doing that I can actually get on with realising my dreams and everything else. It’s not getting to the point where I’m gonna say “Right, this day Imma gonna write X amount of words”, but hopefully it will be at the point where I can say “Right, this day Imma gonna write X, Y and maybe Z as well”.

(Because you know me, I tends to have three or four things on the go at once. For some reason, I’m not very good when it comes to focusing on one thing at a time. I typically find myself happily writing away at one thing, and then I get ideas about a completely different thing so I have to go off and write those down before I forget!)

*looks around* It is getting there, though. The whole place is getting close to where I want it to be. There still need to be more bright colours, but it’s definitely getting there.

Oh, I might not have mentioned this… But the plug socket that got broken when the picture fell? Yeah, that’s all fixed now. Thankfully. All that’s left is to sort out the wall and think of an alternative way to hang up the picture (now that it’s in a new frame which is lighter). My dad has suggested putting some wood up in a kind of floor-to-ceiling frame set, and those wood could be brightly coloured, leaving the wall white… And I gotta admit, I like the idea. Kind of thinking it could be a bright rainbow-coloured pattern, maybe. Red at the top and going down to violet at the bottom. Maybe. Kind gotta let it ruminate in my head a little bit, see if it’ll be a good idea, or whether it might be better doing something else.

There’s something else I need to look for, for the ceiling. The ceiling I’ve got is full of those little ceiling insert lights things? Dunno what you call them, but there’s a bunch of them. And what I had in mind, I’ve got this book about Atlantis (basically talks about the possibility of Atlantis existing and where it could be), and in that book, there’s a big picture of an artist’s impression of what might be in the temple at the centre of Atlantis. Now, I’m not remotely interested in having a big gold statue of Poseidon, or an orichalcum pillar or anything like that, but I loved the ceiling that the artist’s impression had. It was basically pure white (or might be ivory-coloured) and there were these gold sun shapes (more or less flat against the ceiling, not sticking out in a sphere or half-sphere or anything like that) as well. And I had this idea – whether good or bad, I dunno – but maybe if I could get some gold sun shapes and have them around those lights it might make the ceiling look really good. I just dunno the terminology to make looking for something like that a bit easier.

Oh well, I’ll keep looking and hopefully I’ll find something some day!

Anyway… I’d better post this and get going. Hopefully the upcoming week will be a lot better for everyone! See you soon!


Heya! I’m back! And back for good, too!

Whew… Again, I have to say sorry for not blogging for so long! It’s just been… Quite frankly, it’s been a struggle to do anything or think of anything more than just wanting to get on the tablet and play games or dig out some old comics and read them again. *hee* (And, yes, I have a lot of old Beanos – I even have some dating back to 1993 which is crazy, considering I would’ve been like 5 then…!)

Those 1993 Beanos, though, they’re not complete. It seems that way back then, whoever owned them originally decided they wanted to just keep those pages with “The Bash Street Kids” and “Dennis the Menace and Gnasher” (Note to Americans: The Dennis the Menace from the Beano is different to the Dennis the Menace you’re aware of, so don’t be too confused about talk about Gnasher and everything else! (History: The US’ Dennis the Menace is credited as the older one, but not by much – It was originally debuted in US newspapers on 12th March 1951 (according to Wikipedia), while the British Dennis the Menace debuted in the Beano on the comic dated 17th March 1951, but was apparently released on the 12th March 1951 – and in those days, they probably never heard of each other until much later, most likely. These days, though, I think the Beano has decided to further distance the two Dennises by just calling it “Dennis and Gnasher” – but back in 1993, it was still “Dennis the Menace and Gnasher”.)

Anyway… It’s fine. From what I can see, I still have complete Beanos dating back to 1996 or thereabouts, and that was probably when I’d started getting and reading them myself. It’s a bit of a difference, reading the Beanos back then and reading them now. I have to say, I kinda prefer the latest versions, because the latest versions of the Beano has their sarcastic kind of laugh-out-loud moments, whereas the Beanos of yesteryear are a little bit more… well, straightforward (sometimes funny, but sometimes, you really can see that some of the stuff they did then, they’d never do now…)

As for some of the celebrities they’ve featured… Well, let’s just say I spotted a certain TV personality who’s also a painter, originally from Australia… Yeesh. Those did _NOT_ age well. But to be fair to the Beano in those days, no-one has a crystal ball. As far as most people knew back then, that certain TV personality was a decent human being.

Anyway… I was kinda hoping to have been back before now, but by the time it’d got to mid-July, and things were only just starting to settle down (what with everything that’s been going on…), I decided then that I’d pretty much just hold off until the 1st August (today!) before going back to blogging. That way, I can make sure everything’s settled, I can make sure everything that I wanted / needed to do can be done, the whole lot.

And so it worked out. All the work that was required on the house (roof and water pipes – basically, the previous owner had left this place empty for over a year, and only did the visual requirements in order to make it sellable, the stuff that you couldn’t see – and quite honestly, I didn’t see anything wrong with the roof, my dad did – he obviously didn’t sort out. And I say obviously because quite honestly… I probably wouldn’t’ve, if I was selling and I couldn’t see anything wrong, and nor would pretty much anyone else) has been done, all the furniture (old and new) is now here and everything placed where I wanted it to be, and there’s a bit more colour around the place. I probably need a bit more bright colours in the place, but for now… It’ll do until I see something new.

I’m also getting settled into work. The month contract I had with the company has been extended (I believe they said until end of September, but I ought to check…), which is useful. It’ll allow me to keep earning money, get my finances in order (after all the moving and everything else), and give me more time to write and job-hunt for something a little more permanent, or a bit more solid. Whether that’s in writing or development or something else, I dunno. I’m not confident I’ll find another development job, but to be quite honest… I’m not all that sure I want to anyway. Only reason I would, is to allow me to earn while exploring writing options.

Writings… Well, I still need to try and figure out some way of being able to put myself out there as a freelance writer, but I honestly have no idea how to, and I’m useless at “selling” myself – even in interviews for development jobs in the past, I’m not good at that. But at least this way, with a 4-days working week, I’ve got an extra day to try and find ways of doing so, plus more time to get writing.

Which is gonna be starting properly from this Friday onwards – I was kind of hoping to have made a start last weekend, but… Wasn’t feeling good, plus I had to wait for deliveries and everything else so… Yeah. Just turned out that August is a brand new start for me in a lot more ways than I originally thought.

I’m also planning to get back to my diet from today. Obviously, with everything that’s been going on, my eating habits has gone totally wayward, so this week, I’m planning to just get it back to normal – like a proper breakfast and a proper evening dinner. Once that’s done, then I’ll start working on the actual diet, with exercises and everything else. My current aim is to be close to my optimal weight come Christmas time.

Outside of writing, I’m looking forward to getting back to playing video games on my consoles and everything else – that’d also been put to one side. Outside of the games on my tablet, the only other game I’ve kind of played was the download-only Ace Attorney games (and I wasn’t really getting into the Spirit of Justice one, to be honest… Think I left that before going to court in the third case (Rite of Turnabout) I’ll get back to it one day, but right now… I’m just looking at my shelves – both “latest” and “retro” collections – and trying to decide which one to play.

Oh yeah, I have my retro collection set up in my bedroom! 😀 I have my Spectrums, my PS1, PS2 and Gamecube in my bedroom, so whenever I want to, I can just load up an old game, and get gaming! And my Spectrums still works! 😀 I don’t think all the tapes are fine, but from what I can tell, most of them are definitely okay. It’s just a question of working out which ones are okay, and which ones aren’t. I probably eventually will have to get one of those new-gen Spectrums, but the last I know, there were like, two competing groups and I dun want to get both. So I thought I’d just wait and see which one is left standing.

But for now… I’m looking forward to getting back to gaming and writing and all!

Okay… Gonna stop here for now. Hope you’re doing great, and see you soon!

Musing on my writing future…

Heya… How goes things? Hopefully, they’re all going okay for you, and that you’re having a nice relaxing weekend!

Or a liiiiiiittle bit more relaxing than mine is. *lol*

No, no, it’s not gonna be another whinging post. I’ve done that in my last post, so dun worry about that! (And before you ask, I’ll find out what gonna happens Wednesday, although looking around, I’m pretty certain I’ll be one of the two that’re picked to be made redundant. I’ve already pretty much emptied my desk drawers and everything else, because I just dun see much chance of me staying on.)

Okay, so… I’ve been thinking a lot about what I wanna do. And now, more than ever, I honestly feel like I wanna do this, I wanna switch over to doing something along the lines of writing. Whether it’s gonna be creative writing or something like that, I don’t know, but I do know that I want to try and make a serious go of it. And I’ve been spending a fair few hours yesterday looking at websites and the like to see how I can go about getting into it. And honestly… The hardest bit is gonna be making myself known, “selling” my skills and the like, as it were. And I genuinely have no idea how I can even possibly do that, because… I’ve said it before, but I’m shy, deaf, and an introvert. It’s not exactly a combination that make it easy for me to actually put myself out there, is it?? *shakes head*

Worse than that, though, is the fact that if I were to try and specialise in what I’m mostly interested in, it would be basically mythology and fable stories. Maybe a bit of history mixed in, but my main interest in history has always been associated with the mythological aspect of things. Doesn’t matter if we’re talking the classical stuff, like Greek, Roman, Norse, whatever mythology, or those that are lesser-known, like the Central Americans one like Olmec and so on… That’s what fascinate me.

I can also do documentation for IT programs – and I have done, both in terms of user guides and inner working documentation for work, but mmm… Sometimes, I have to admit, that can be a bit of a tiring struggle. However… If it’ll give me another opportunity, maybe I ought to think about that as well.

Reason I’m trying to think of topics that I could maybe write about is because people say you need to probably start off with at least a half-dozen different topics that you can maybe talk about. But if you look over what I’ve been writing in my blog and everything… Well, you’d think it was basically opinions on politics, LGBT+ rights, mental health, video games, books, films and TV, football… *lol* And the downside of some of these is… I’m not that good writing reviews! I can try and write them, and I do, but I gotta admit… It’s tough to try and write about specific things. Take games, for example… I dun care about controls or anything like that, as long as they work, and graphics are important, but I dun care if it’s photorealistic or retro or somewhere in between, as long as I know what’s actually happening. I’m more likely to moan about some erratic camera than how detailed the leaves are or whatever. I’d be much more interested in the actual story itself. (Yeah, I know… Go figure! *grins*) Still… Maybe I can do something with some of them.

I’ll be honest, reading some of the stuff that are out there, it can be a little disheartening, but… *shakes head* I’m definitely determined to at the very least try and break into that market a little bit.

The main focus, I think, is definitely going to be with my creative writings, but maybe I can also get somewhere with doing other forms of writings as well.

I have a few stories in my head, in quite a few different ranges, but the one thing I wanna do right now is to try and write down that romance story that I’ve been building up in my head for the past few months, ever since I got my writing groove back.

But… Sheesh. Sometimes… It’s hard. The idea of putting myself forward for something, anything break me out in a cold sweat, and I still get into a blind panic. Sometimes, I really wish I had someone that would be like… that intermediate step between me and the whole world, someone who knows what to do, or at least give me that impression they know what to do. *lol*

*sighs* I’ll probably try and see if I can get my mind and all sorted out later today, and make up some kind of plan as to how Imma gonna go about it. I have a vague idea of what, but… Hmm… I think I need to put together a list and see what to do. Maybe. Might help settle me down a bit.

The one thing I definitely need to do, though, more than anything, is not to run away. I dun means physically, I means mentally. Because this feels right, but… There’s this voice in the back of my head that basically try to tell me that I can’t do it, that I won’t do it, that I’m too afraid to make that step, and wouldn’t I rather just wallow in self-pity and all? That’s what I need to ignore… Sure, I might not succeed, I might get nowhere… But at the very least, I’ll have tried. And that’s the important thing.

Okay… Gonna go and try to put together some kind of list. Any suggestions, seriously, it would be so helpful! See you soon!

Looking forward to four-days weekend!

Heya! Whew, it’s been a long and tiring week so far. I’m totally ready to have a nice long four-days weekend right now! Unfortunately, I’ve got one more day to go yet. *cries*

Why has it been so busy? Hmm… Well, I think it’s a combination of things that are happening. Obviously, one of the things is demand – there’s been a lot of demand from various people for things that need to be done, and almost all of it has been coming in at the same time. Which is fine, if it wasn’t for the ridiculous time frames that some of them are asking for it to be done by. *smh*

The other reason is resources. I’d posted on twitter that I’d heard – this week – that our longest-serving developer, who’d been there for 8 years, is leaving at the end of April, so naturally at this time he’s more or less being winded down from taking on development work, and he’s being asked to pretty much write up and document everything that he’d been working on. Especially since he’s basically the guy that’s been doing all the .Net and website-based work… Fortunately, we do have people who are capable of picking it up when he goes. And our contract developer is leaving today (Thursday), so we’re going from having 5 developers to 3. And I’m gonna be the longest-serving developer. *shakes head* Honestly, I really dun feel like I’ve been there for that long (and it’s only been a couple or so years).

But also the development team has been asked to help out the frontline team which deals with getting data from the databases, etc, and doing calculation work and making reports out of them (excel spreadsheets and so on), and the frontline team, ever since December, has been short of resources themselves, so at least one developer every week has been helping out the frontline team.

…Yeah. Time and resources, like I say. Bit of a mess. There is supposely less demand coming in in the next couple or so weeks, but… I’ll believe that when I see it.

I think it’s safe to say that the company is going through a bit of a hard time at the moment – not getting rid of people, but they’re not replacing people when they go unless absolutely necessary. And it’s currently unknown when that will change round… *shrugs*

Personally, I just try to keep my head down and not think about that kind of thing too much. But hopefully it will get a little bit less ridiculous. Take yesterday, for example… At the start of the day, I had one thing to do – some testing for another developer – and I was expecting it to take me at least a few hours yet. By mid-morning, I was asked to do another two pieces of work – one development, one testing – and then just after lunchtime, was told to stop what I was doing and test this urgent piece of work that need to be done before end of day. And that piece of work was really messy, took me ages to unravel it. Thankfully, the code was (once it was unravelled) fine and worked okay. Otherwise… Yeah, no.

Oh, and while I was doing that urgent piece of work, was asked to get some extract output out to another person by end of day and given yet another piece of development work during that same afternoon. *smh*

…Yeah, like I say… Ridiculous. *sighs* When I go in this morning, I’m gonna have to put together a list of what I need to do and arrange it in terms of priority. Not gonna be able to do all of them today, but I dun think I need to, anyway. I do have something set up so I can see at a glance what I’m supposed to be working on, but I need to go look at it and rearrange it, because yesterday, I was having to add them all on to that list without ordering it. *lol*

And there’s been times that I just wish I could get up and not worry about that kind of thing anymore. *grins* I definitely wanna be a writer… Working for myself, kind of thing, no need to worry about money or anything… That would be wonderful. And I can take breaks whenever I want to, and just relax and unwind. It’s telling that this week, I’ve been having more headaches than I have had in past weeks. Stress, that’s what it is… :/ I can handle the job load, I can just add it to the list and work my way through it, but when you get given a half-dozen of them and told some of them are to be done within the hour or whatever… Yeah.

Never mind… Just have to believe that things will change and will get better – and they have been in many ways, I gotta say. Just gotta keep moving on.

The four-days weekend… Yeah, I dunno how many countries do this – I know the USA don’t – but here in the UK, we have Good Friday off, and because Easter Sunday’s on the weekend (obviously!), we also have Easter Monday off. I know the country’s getting less religious, but thankfully we are keeping these two days as bank holidays days.

And what do I plan to do over that lovely, lovely four-days weekend? Well… Got a bit of housework to do. *lol* (Always the case, I know!), but outside of that… Relax, play games, and hopefully I’ll do some writing as well – not stories, but I’m hoping to do some more work on the background and mythology of “Yore!”.

I’m definitely not going anywhere except the shops this weekend. Everyone will be out on the roads, and everything will be packed. *shudders* I’d rather stay home and relax rather than trying to get somewhere or find space to relax in amongst all the rest of the horde that are doing the same thing.

Despite the headaches and everything else – including the struggle to sleep properly (again) – I actually feel good. Like… I’ve got things that I wanna do, and while some of them are temporarily on hold, they’re still there for me to do, and I’m looking forward to getting on with them. And, I’ve not heard anything new, but the house-purchase is still ongoing, and if it keep on going in the same way… Should get it fairly soon. Hopefully, in May, and then I can get out of this place with its horrible neighbours and into what I hope will be better for me. Certainly gonna get more sunlight, I know that!

It’s a struggle right now, but… There’s a lot to look forward to, and a lot to be happy about. See you soon!

Happy New Year!

Heya guys! How goes the first couple days of the New Year for you? Mine, honestly, it’s been fairly relaxing so far. Been spending a fair bit of time writing – but only video games guides, nothing story-wise. But they’re progressing really well – my last word count was almost 10,000 words. You can tell my guides are probably gonna be ridiculously long! *hee* But hey… I dun care, like I said before, it’s not like Imma gonna be showing them to anyone else. It’s just for me, and it’s nice to be able to just tap away at the keyboard and work out exactly how I’m gonna be writing it.

And you know something? By doing all this, my mind’s basically at the same time just clicking away at stories. I’ve written down (on paper) a couple of brief ideas. Whether I’ll do anything with them is a different matter altogether, but again… The fact that I’m working on them, and working on how I put things together as well – even something like a guide can help you work out how to construct things – I think it’s a good start.

Obviously, the main intention’s really to work mostly on creative stuff rather than guides and the like, but… For now, I’m happy with how things are going. And I am (so far, although it is only the second day! *grins*) sticking to my aims, especially the one about writing every day.

Sadly, today also marks the end of the Christmas break from work. Yep… Tomorrow, I head back to the drudgery of IT development coding and everything else, dealing with cold office spaces, annoying people, and long commutes… Fun(!) *lol* Never mind. That’s the way things are right now. It’s up to me to make the changes that I wanna make to my daily life, and I’m slowly working my way towards doing just that.

If I was to make an unofficial aim, I would say it would be to leave IT development work behind me permanently by the end of this year. Is that possible? Well… Honestly, who knows? The best way to look at it – in fact, I think it’s probably the only way – is to do what you can to make the changes you want to make in your life, to improve your life, and let everything else handles itself. In my case, because I’m a Christian, I would say, do what you can, and let God handle the rest, but I think it’s fairly applicable, whatever you believe in, or not believe in, as the case may be. Some people will say the religious figure of their life, some will say, “With luck”, some will say “let the Universe handles it”, and so on. Whatever you leave it to, I think there’s always gonna be something that’s basically… Kind of like, you need that something else extra to make that last step for you, if it’s not something that you can do by yourself.

Of course, I could be wrong, and I’d just need to talk to someone who knows about these things far better than I do to point the way forward for me, but I dunno who!

Anyway, so… My birthday’s coming up this Saturday. At the moment, I dun really have anything much planned. Probably head over to see parents, and hopefully spend time with friends and all, but by and large… It’s honestly not gonna be anything special. *shrugs* But then, I honestly dun expect it to be. The only good thing that I can say about it is… I’m in a much better mood than I have been so maybe this time round, by the end of the day I won’t be really down. *nods*

Comes of living on your own, really! *grins* I would’ve loved to have had someone to cuddle up with at the end of the day and all that… But that’s the way it goes! Maybe next time…! 😀

Thankfully, I do have Friday and Monday off as well, so I can have a birthday weekend, kind of thing. Just to kind of make up for the fact that daytime is still only something like 7 hours here… And it’s getting colder now. *smh* *wraps another layer over me* It always starts getting colder over January… I guess because it’s technically the middle of Winter. Even though the days are supposingly getting longer, it’s not that noticeable yet.

Hmm… What else? Well, I also tried out that “The Trail” game on the tablet. I can’t really make up my mind over it, to be honest. On the one hand… It’s a nice, fairly kind of relaxing game, but on the other hand… At one stage, most of the clothes that I was wearing in that game were near breaking point, and I had nothing to replace them with. *smh* I’m also kind of wondering if I’m supposed to be doing something a little bit different – like, am I supposed to be going back over previously walked stages and more or less “grind” for the basic materials and improve my crafting ability when it comes to clothes? Everything else is kinda secondary, it’s the clothes that I think need working on.

*shrugs* I dunno. I could just simply be over-thinking this. *grins* Either way, I dun think I’ll be spending that much time on it. It’s got promise, but… I dunno. Something just doesn’t click with me with that game.

Okay… I’m gonna stop here for now. I probably won’t be writing again until Wednesday or Thursday – I can imagine my first day back at work will be pretty tiring… *sighs* But whatever. Things will change! See you guys soon!

2017 Aims

Heya! Me again!

So, as promised, I said I was gonna write about my kind of like… vague-ish aims for 2017. To be honest, it’s nothing really much, and in some cases, people might think, well… They dun sound like they’re particularly high aims, but…

Well, I really really hate to sound like a broken record, but remember, I’ve been through depression for the past decade plus. Even what people would think of as “lowly” aims, like these (most likely), I couldn’t even begin to think about. And the last thing I wanna do is set myself high aims, and completely and utterly fails to achieve them. I dunno about you, but I think that’s probably a way to get yourself really down and low and miserable and depressed again, don’t you think?

So… I thought long and hard about this, and putting aside everything that I know I can’t control – for example, I would love one of my aims to be “get a girlfriend” or “make more great friends”, but those aims are not just reliant on me, there’s two people involved. And right now… I’m still in a position where I have to work on myself before I can think about something like that.

And that leads me nicely to my first aim: Working on myself. I wanna be in a position where I feel good about myself. That’s not just physical (although getting myself to my ideal weight is certainly one factor), but mentally as well, and somehow working on my confidence. I definitely wanna be more confident to be able to approach people and talk to them and everything. That’s probably the hardest bit for me, but I also know that it’s something I kind of have to do. I certainly can’t expect friends and girlfriends to fall into my lap, can I now? *grins*

That is, pretty much, my main aim, kind of thing. Working on myself, I means. By the end of 2017, I wanna be able to say “I am still free from depression, I feel fitter and healthier, I feel like my mind’s clear, and I feel more able to go and meet people”.

Is that a lofty aim? Or is that something that people think is a lowly aim? Well… Obviously, circumstances will play a part in it, but by and large… This is something that I think I can mostly work on with myself.

My next aim’s mostly about my writings. I wanna be a lot more consistent with my writings. I’m not setting myself a daily, or weekly, or whatever have you target of word counts or anything like that… But I am setting myself a kind of aim that I will write something every day – this could be a blog entry, this could be an e-mail, this could be story work, Yore! work, writing video games guides for myself, the whole lot. Just as long as I’m doing something daily, or pretty much daily (allowing for those occasions where I might be ill).

I did consider maybe just setting myself a target, like, say, write and polish at least one novel to the stage where it’s ready to consider for publication (although I have no idea how I’d go about that…), but… *shakes head* Again, I know that sounds like I’m being ridiculous, but I dun wanna give myself that pressure. I wanna feel free to write and put together whatever I feel like writing about. Obviously, I’m really hoping that it will be mostly creative writings, and I’ll have lots of stories put together in 2017, but I’m not willing to put myself into that kind of pressure. Writing’s an absolute pleasure for me, and I wanna keep it that way. So… Yeah, that’s why I’ve kept it to “write something every day”.

The third aim’s about my spare time. I’ve noticed that I’ve tended to be… a little… lazy. And there have been a few days where I’m more or less vegging out in front of the telly. I dun wanna do that. I dun mind watching the TV when there’s something good on – for example, I’m definitely devoting one hour every Thursday night to the new, upcoming series of “Death in Paradise” – but when there’s nothing that I particularly wanna watch… Turn off the TV, read a book, or switch channels and play a video game. That kind of thing. Actually go ahead and do something, not just let time passes me by.

I means, come on… My birthday’s on the 7th January, and I’m kind of feeling like I’ve got a lot of life to catch up on. Being… Well, more or less trapped in my mind for over a decade and all that… *shakes head* I can never get that time back, so I’ve gotta make the most of what time I have in the future. I know I’ll still (just!) be in my 20s, but… Yeah. I don’t want to lose any more of my time. I wanna make sure it’s all spent in the right way. Whether that’s writing, gaming, reading, spending time with friends, (hopefully!) meeting and spending time with a girlfriend… Whatever it is, I wanna make the most of it.

So. That’s the kind of like… Generic aims that I’ve got in mind, for 2017. Work on myself, and feel good about myself; write every day; and make the most of the time that I have for myself (ie, when I’m not at work or something like that).

What do you think? Good, bad, could be better? Be interested to know!

Okay… I think Imma gonna stop here. I hope you have a fantastic New Year, and if you’re gonna be partying and all… Hope you have a great time!

Me? Ehh… I’ll probably be sleeping by midnight! *lol* I dun really care about the actual moment, I just want to get on with things! 🙂

See you guys soon!

Writing and exercises…

Heya guys! How goes things? Enjoying the Euros so far? I’m just vaguely watching it, but like I said before, most of the time that I’m kind of watching it, I’m on the computer writing or playing on a handheld. *hee*

My writing is going really well, actually – it’s sadly not the story kind, but I’ve been writing up the handwritten notes that I’ve been jotting down for my own benefit playing games and all. I’m not planning on posting them up here or GameFAQs or anything like that, it’s just another thing that’s hopefully gonna help me really get back into writing soon. The number of words that I’ve written in the past couple days only have been over 10,000 words, so… Yeah. Been doing a lot a lot of writing!

I have been writing up notes and the like (on paper) with regards to the storyline that I’ve dreamt up last week, but outside of that, nothing major. I’m kind of hoping that I’ll be able to get going with that probably by the end of next week. It’d be good to just get started.

As you might’ve guessed, though… I really really do tends to do a LOT of writing when I’m in the right place, mentally. It doesn’t have to be fictional either, like stories and the like. I’m always constantly creating things, and dreaming things up. It’s just I need to commit and focus on finishing them off! *hee* Possibly, also, by the end of next week, I’ll have the first draft of rules for the board game that I’ve been thinking about up and running. Then it’ll be time to try and play-test it as much as I can, and modify it and get it running nice and simple to learn, but with as much depth as I can give it.

It really has been a very long time since I’ve felt this good, mentally… It’s a real relief to be able to just write and everything. Now I just need to work on my physical self (while still focusing on keeping myself going mentally!) – but I’m slowly working my way to getting better and fitter (been walking a lot more, and I’m beginning to do some home exercises, just a little bit to start with (and try to get into the habit of doing) and gonna build on that over the weeks), and if all goes well… I think I’ll be trying to join a gym or something like that – probably in August or September – and use that three times a week or so.

(Yes, I know I could just join a gym now, but I need to stress the fact that I need to work myself on getting moderately fitter first and get my body used to doing more physical exercises before I actually go to the gym. I need to introduce these things gradually – I know some people will say just go straight into it, but… When I lose all my excess weight and everything, I want it to be the last time ever. I wanna look and feel as good as possible from now on!)

The main thing that I really did need to sort out was the mental part of myself. Depression is always a horrible thing and when I was severely depressed last time, I was… Well, “destroy” is probably too strong a word, but I can’t think of anything better. I did kind of want to destroy myself, to be honest. And it is a very slow recovery for me, sadly.

Now, though… Things feels okay. I just need to try and keep it like this, or much better, from now on.

I’ve also ordered a new tablet. I imagine it’ll be a week or so before I get my hands on it (depends on when it get sent and all…) and then it’ll be time to start trying to transfer stuff over and… Yeah. Go from there.

That’s the first of the four big things that I kind of need to get. If I can, I’m hoping to get everything by the end of the year. And then… Hopefully, next year, I can actually start saving up and thinking about moving. Possibly. Unless I get another twenty million problems with my car… *smh*

But let’s not think about that! Let’s just focus on the good things – starting this blog and all has definitely been a good idea. Now, if only I could shake off some of my shyness and all and start making new friends…! *grins* I’m sure it’ll happen in time.