Tag Archives: me

House and ennui

Heya!

I kind of own an explanation for the fact that this blog (and my twitter account) has been quiet for the past few weeks, and why it’s gonna be quiet for the next couple of weeks (at least).

I bought a house, as you know – and honestly, I still really dun feel like it’s mine. I’ve been there a few times now, and I still look around and think it’s not really mine. *lol* But… There you go. Just have to keep getting used to the fact that I have a house now. The main problem that I’ve been having with it is trying to get everything sorted out with it.

To be honest, it sometimes feels a little bit overwhelming, so I’ve been breaking things down into little pieces so that I can cope with each bit at a time…

That is, all the utilities and stuff like that, and the fact that there have been so much… bleh. My dad had to phone up the gas and electricity people (I imagined I would’ve been able to send them an e-mail, but I was struggling to find out which utility company it was, and by the time we found out, my dad decided that he’d give them a call… So, yeah…). I managed to sort out the water company. I think. Filled in the online form anyway, so just gotta wait for them to send me the bill or whatever. Phone line and broadband… I’ve contacted the company that I want to handle it, and was hoping they’d come and do it on Monday, but they’ve pushed it back to switching everything over on the 12th and switching the broadband on on the 16th. So I won’t be moving in until then.

No clue regarding the engineer. I had them down to come over sometimes in the afternoon on the 5th, so I’ve just e-mailed them to hopefully get an answer soon.

Council is being a pain… Just have to hope they’ll eventually get me the information that I need. Outside of that, that’s pretty much all the utilities stuff done. Thankfully.

In the meantime, I’ve been taking in boxes and the like so that I can start packing everything up ready for the move. I’ve taken some stuff over, but not a lot. And I really need to start packing soon…

Oh well. Outside of that, I’ve been suffering from some kind of ennui. I dun know why, but people are expecting me to be all excited and everything else about the house and I’m like… Meh. Guess that’s part of why I’ve been dragging my feet a little bit. And it’s not just about the house, it’s every part of my life at the moment. I did wonder if it was because of the fact that I’d been made redundant, but… *shakes head* I dun think so, and I don’t think it’s depression – it’s just… ennui.

But I’m hoping that yesterday – I started packing some stuff and moved it over to the house, plus I went to see my nieces (who, with their family, came to visit their grandparents) and I feel like I’m starting to move away from whatever it was. So… Yeah, hopefully, I’ll now be in a position to get more things done from now on. It’d be nice, definitely.

I’ve got a couple more things to do – I gotta write a letter to notify the landlord of my current flat that I’ll be leaving the property at a given date, and I gotta make a decision as to who to pick to get the big stuff moved – I was not looking forward to checking out moving companies and the like – but then my oldest brother said if I’d hire a van, he’d help me move everything… And that would be cheaper, if a bit more of a hassle. *lol* I’m tempted to go for that, though. But I’d need to give him time to arrange when he could do so. And then it’s a question of finding a van… *cries*

But yeah… At the moment, I’ve been combatting ennui, plus I’m getting a bit of stress from the whole house thing that… Everything else, the blog, twitter and so on, have been put to the back burner for now. I’m hoping that, from the 16th onwards, I’ll be in a much better place, both mentally and physically, and from there, I’ll be back blogging and tweeting and everything else again.

Anyway… That’s what happening. Not a lot of fun, but definitely thinking I’ll be back properly posting and everything else from the 16th onwards. I might post one or two times in between, but… Probably best not to expect to see much from me until then!

See you soon!

I’m back!

HEYA!!!!

Yep, I’m back, and better than before! *lol*

Okay, okay, I guess I owe you an explanation as to why I’ve not been posting for a couple weeks or so… The honest truth is, after I got made redundant (yeah, unfortunately, it was confirmed that I was one of the ones to be made redundant… *shrugs*), I just felt… tired, in fact, I was exhausted. I guess all the emotions over the preceding weeks, plus the fact that I’d been working more or less flat out at the company and everything (despite them saying they didn’t have any work… *rolls eyes*), and – despite the fact that I was bracing for it and all – I was also feeling a little down. Not depressed down, just down.

And when I tried to write – you know, take advantage of the extra time I now have and all – I found I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t think. That, despite the fact that I know I have like whole chunks of the story in my mind ready to put to paper… *smh*

So… After a day of this, I sat and thought to myself, what’s the best thing to do? Well… Maybe the best thing to do would be to more or less take a total break from everything. At least a weekend break, or a week, if necessary (as it turned out, it was just over a week), just relax, play games without taking it seriously (and by that, I means, just play games without thinking about what to do further down the line in the game – so I was playing games like Dragon Quest Builders and all I was doing was just exploring and seeing what I can do and everything. I wasn’t really thinking about the quests or anything like that. I means, yes, I know I was supposed to, but… *grins*), read comics (or even binge-read some of the comics – like Fine Sometimes Rain and so on), anything, just give the brain a complete break from everything.

And it worked. I feels completely recharged and I’m getting on with things now. I’m also – having checked out some of the sites that’s all about how to keep yourself motivated – using some of the suggestions mentioned to help keep me going (because I know how easy it would be for me to slip back into old habits, and that’s something I dun ever want to do…)

So, what’s the plan moving forward? Well… I’ve got a house that I’m still buying and moving into in the next month or so (I know, I know… I was gonna withdraw from the purchase, but after talking it through with parents and all, it turned out that if I withdrew, I’d not only have to pay for what we’ve done already, but job centres, etc, would be expecting me to use the deposit money that parents gave me explicitly for the house to keep myself alive, etc, before they’d give me any benefits… And, yet, somehow, other people seems to have no problems getting paid more money on benefits than I’ve ever earned in a year… *smh*)

Anyway… Parents are going to help with cost of mortgage repayments until I get a job, after which I will be paying them back as well as paying off the mortgage myself.

I think their expectation is that I will be able to find another IT job (haha) but we’ll see. *shrugs* I dun expect to, but I will look for one, along other jobs that I think I could do. In the meantime, the plan is to spend as much of my time as possible (when not job hunting or replying to e-mails or anything like that) writing, and trying to look into putting myself out there for freelance writing, if I can do that.

I am certainly planning to focus on my stories, on Yore! stuff, and so on. All the stuff that I’ve been telling myself that I’m gonna do. Well, I’ve got time now, and I’m getting on with it!

I was down for a while after being made redundant and everything else, but now I’m back, I feel better, and I’m writing and doing everything that I wanna do. I just hope that by the end of it all, I’ll have a lot to show for it – I’m certainly praying for it! 😀

See you soon!

Musing on my writing future…

Heya… How goes things? Hopefully, they’re all going okay for you, and that you’re having a nice relaxing weekend!

Or a liiiiiiittle bit more relaxing than mine is. *lol*

No, no, it’s not gonna be another whinging post. I’ve done that in my last post, so dun worry about that! (And before you ask, I’ll find out what gonna happens Wednesday, although looking around, I’m pretty certain I’ll be one of the two that’re picked to be made redundant. I’ve already pretty much emptied my desk drawers and everything else, because I just dun see much chance of me staying on.)

Okay, so… I’ve been thinking a lot about what I wanna do. And now, more than ever, I honestly feel like I wanna do this, I wanna switch over to doing something along the lines of writing. Whether it’s gonna be creative writing or something like that, I don’t know, but I do know that I want to try and make a serious go of it. And I’ve been spending a fair few hours yesterday looking at websites and the like to see how I can go about getting into it. And honestly… The hardest bit is gonna be making myself known, “selling” my skills and the like, as it were. And I genuinely have no idea how I can even possibly do that, because… I’ve said it before, but I’m shy, deaf, and an introvert. It’s not exactly a combination that make it easy for me to actually put myself out there, is it?? *shakes head*

Worse than that, though, is the fact that if I were to try and specialise in what I’m mostly interested in, it would be basically mythology and fable stories. Maybe a bit of history mixed in, but my main interest in history has always been associated with the mythological aspect of things. Doesn’t matter if we’re talking the classical stuff, like Greek, Roman, Norse, whatever mythology, or those that are lesser-known, like the Central Americans one like Olmec and so on… That’s what fascinate me.

I can also do documentation for IT programs – and I have done, both in terms of user guides and inner working documentation for work, but mmm… Sometimes, I have to admit, that can be a bit of a tiring struggle. However… If it’ll give me another opportunity, maybe I ought to think about that as well.

Reason I’m trying to think of topics that I could maybe write about is because people say you need to probably start off with at least a half-dozen different topics that you can maybe talk about. But if you look over what I’ve been writing in my blog and everything… Well, you’d think it was basically opinions on politics, LGBT+ rights, mental health, video games, books, films and TV, football… *lol* And the downside of some of these is… I’m not that good writing reviews! I can try and write them, and I do, but I gotta admit… It’s tough to try and write about specific things. Take games, for example… I dun care about controls or anything like that, as long as they work, and graphics are important, but I dun care if it’s photorealistic or retro or somewhere in between, as long as I know what’s actually happening. I’m more likely to moan about some erratic camera than how detailed the leaves are or whatever. I’d be much more interested in the actual story itself. (Yeah, I know… Go figure! *grins*) Still… Maybe I can do something with some of them.

I’ll be honest, reading some of the stuff that are out there, it can be a little disheartening, but… *shakes head* I’m definitely determined to at the very least try and break into that market a little bit.

The main focus, I think, is definitely going to be with my creative writings, but maybe I can also get somewhere with doing other forms of writings as well.

I have a few stories in my head, in quite a few different ranges, but the one thing I wanna do right now is to try and write down that romance story that I’ve been building up in my head for the past few months, ever since I got my writing groove back.

But… Sheesh. Sometimes… It’s hard. The idea of putting myself forward for something, anything break me out in a cold sweat, and I still get into a blind panic. Sometimes, I really wish I had someone that would be like… that intermediate step between me and the whole world, someone who knows what to do, or at least give me that impression they know what to do. *lol*

*sighs* I’ll probably try and see if I can get my mind and all sorted out later today, and make up some kind of plan as to how Imma gonna go about it. I have a vague idea of what, but… Hmm… I think I need to put together a list and see what to do. Maybe. Might help settle me down a bit.

The one thing I definitely need to do, though, more than anything, is not to run away. I dun means physically, I means mentally. Because this feels right, but… There’s this voice in the back of my head that basically try to tell me that I can’t do it, that I won’t do it, that I’m too afraid to make that step, and wouldn’t I rather just wallow in self-pity and all? That’s what I need to ignore… Sure, I might not succeed, I might get nowhere… But at the very least, I’ll have tried. And that’s the important thing.

Okay… Gonna go and try to put together some kind of list. Any suggestions, seriously, it would be so helpful! See you soon!

Had some bad news…

Heya… So, if you follow me on Twitter, you’ll have noticed that I received some bad news yesterday (Monday). Basically, the company I works for have announced that they’re gonna go through yet another round of redundancies, including more restructing of the development team. Considering that the team has shrunk from over 20 people to something like 8 (including managers), well… Yeah.

(By the way, I apologise in advance for this being a bit of a whinging post. I know many people have had it much worse than me but… I just wanna moan and let off steam! And then hopefully I can get looking into other options and moving forward with whatever I’m gonna do.)

My honest suspicion is that they are planning to merge the development team into the operation team (the team that does the front-line stuff), and if that’s the case… I can imagine that with the exception of the managers (of course they’ll be safe, they always are *rolls eyes*) – which means it’s down to the 6 of us – they’ll maybe keep one or two of us. And if that’s the case… I can think of 4 of those 6 who’ll be ahead of me in the line to stay on. And three of those people are long-timers so… Yeah. I can see maybe one of them voluntarily leaving, but all three? No.

Quite honestly… I’m sick of the whole IT thing. This is gonna be my third redundancy of three IT jobs, and every single time, I’m out of work for ages before I can get another job – I have so much going against me when it comes to trying to get a new job, not least of all the fact that I’m deaf. Try explaining to people that being deaf does not affect my general ability to do the job, all it means is I can’t hear as well as others, and I can’t use the phone and people still run away screaming. *smh* *sighs* And when you add to that the fact that I’ve been suffering from depression and everything all those other times… I just dun want to go back to that. And I dun want to be in that vicious circle anymore of being out of work for ages before landing a job for a year or so before being made redundant again. *smh*

What I was hoping for was to stay in this job for another year or two until I can get something sorted out with my writings and everything else, and then maybe start moving towards a different future with my writings, but as is… *shrugs*

I need to be careful. I’ve been thinking about this for ages, and I’ve spoken about leaving IT behind me permanently – I’ve often said that I felt like this would be my last IT job – and I genuinely do have the feeling that I can make a good go of being a writer, and earning something with that – I’m not sure if it’ll be enough to live on, but certainly something. And when I look at myself, and think about it – you know, like how people get those feeling that “this is the right thing to do” and all that? Well… I’ve got that feeling about myself and getting into writing more seriously.

Whatever style of writing that is, I don’t know. Ideally, definitely creative, writing stories and the like, but that’s… As many people will tell you, for every top writer out that that everyone knows about, there’s like a million that only sells a few copies. So, while I’m still gonna try and write stories and everything, I’m not gonna pin all my hopes on that. There’s other styles of writing out there, it’s just a question of finding the right one.

…The problem is, I honestly have no idea how I’m gonna get into it. I don’t really know anyone who knows anything about writing – I means, I know some people who are in the creative arts, but I dun feel like I could really go and ask them for help and information. Hmm. I need to look around online and see if I can find some websites that’ll help me to work out how to go forward with that.

If you do have any ideas or suggestions, please, feel free to drop me a message on twitter or whatever, I will totally appreciate it!

The one thing I’m determined to do, though, is not to let this affect me. Even if I have to go and stack shelves in a shop or whatever, I’m not gonna let this almost-certain redundancy affect me like the other times. Instead, I’m gonna treat it as an opportunity to actually get on with writing and everything else, and figuring out a new path forward for me.

I just have to hope and pray that, whatever happens… I’ll come through this in a much better place than before. It is gonna be tough, but… Yeah.

Regarding the house… Well, I’ve not heard anything, and I might lose a bit of the deposit money on fees and the like, but – despite what my parents have told me about helping me (and I really don’t want to do that – I don’t want to end up losing my parents money as well as mine. I’d rather that all mistakes are mine and only affects me) – the chances of me moving out and getting in there are now a lot more remote than they were on Sunday. But I haven’t said anything to the solicitors yet, because… Well, something might change and I might still be in a job (Dun get me wrong – I estimate my percentage chance of staying in the job to be less than 1%) after this.

But… Yeah. Whatever happens… I just gotta keep going and hope and pray that things will work out. I just know I’m tired of never being able to plan for the future or anything. May the future be different for me, and I can do what I really want to do, and be able to work for the present and eventually really plan for the future.

My one-year anniversary!

Heya! I’m back!

So so sorry if you were missing me soo much, there’s just been so much going on that every evening, I would be coming back and basically have too little energy to anything but catch up on TV that I’d missed… Or sleep. There was a lot of napping, I can assure you!

But enough of that! Do you know, today is actually my anniversary of blogging here?? Yep. This day last year was my first blog – honestly, I’m totally amazed! I mean, yeah, I knew I had to think long and hard about starting up a blog and everything else, but… I’ve been doing this for a year now! Me! I’m the one people say don’t stick at anything and don’t finish anything, and yet look at me! Still blogging! Yay!

*grins* Sorry, it’s just… I didn’t even realise it until I looked at the date and thought, “Hey, wasn’t this when…”, looked it up and it totally is!

And look at what I’ve done over the past year… I managed to stay pretty much depression-free for the whole year – this past winter is honestly the first winter that I didn’t sink into S.A.D. or any other kind of depression or anything like that for over a decade. I’ve started writing again, and while my creative writings has been more or less put to the side for the time being (basically, I’ve got too much on my mind to get all the words in my head put coherently together to make a story. I’ve got about three or four separate short stories rattling around in my head, but when I’ve tried to put them down on paper right now, they’re coming out mixed up…), I’m still writing, mostly this blog, and self-video-games guides for my own benefit. And outside of that, I’m now starting to work on my physical self, as well as continuing to work on my mental health. And I’m hopefully going to be moving out of this flat and into what I hope will be a better place for me. It’s not perfect, but it will hopefully be better for me.

But honestly, out of everything, the biggest achievement has been actually working on myself to get myself in a better place mentally. Because, honestly, up until last year, I didn’t know how much longer I was gonna be able to cope.

There are some downsides, of course… My main downside is the fact that I’m not as close as I used to be with some people, and that’s pretty much my fault, because I’ve been looking at myself, and working at myself that in a way, I’ve had to kind of step back and start trying to rely on myself more than leaning on people. But I think I’ve done it the wrong way. :/ Hopefully, now that I’m in a better place, I can maybe start trying to get back closer to people again, and the first step to doing that, of course, is getting back to talking and writing and everything.

But I do wanna put it out there. The people that I’m thinking of, including my bestie, knows just how much I love them, and how much I appreciate their patience with me. It’s gonna take me time, but I wanna make it up to them, and show them the real Angel, the Angel that they saw glimpses of a long time before I could. I couldn’t see the real me at all. Sometimes, the girl that stared back at me in the mirror, I didn’t recognise.

And now… The girl’s looking back at me is… a bit older, but much happier, and more to the point… I recognise her, and I’m seeing what people see in me. 🙂

Thank you for sticking by me. I really do love you so much. *hugs* Hopefully, we can start getting closer again and having lots more fun together from now on!

So, what’s the future gonna hold? Well… I’m certainly not gonna stop blogging anytime soon, I’m hoping to move, and after I move, I’m hoping to really get down and write loads of stories and the like, as well as everything else that’s I’ve been wanting to do.

Despite the problems that I’ve had with the car and so on, I am in a much better place than I was last year, and I aim to keep on getting better. This time next year, I want to be happier mentally, much better physically and looking forward to a much better life than I could’ve imagined even a few months ago!

Okay… I’m gonna stop here for now. But rest assured, I’ll be writing again soon! See you soon!

The weekend and Career choices

Heya guys! How goes things? Me… Just soo glad it’s the weekend. Honestly, the week at work was not fun. I was basially loading in files so other people can do development work. Well, that, and I actually did some development myself, but the tester was having problems because of differences between development server, test server and live server. And guess who had to try and do something to fix that…?

Yep. Me. *lol* Actually, after checking and discussing with the project manager and all, turns out there was little for me to do. Basically, because it’s a bug fix, we’re only really interested in getting it live as soon as possible, so we were going on the lines of “if it’s not happening on live environment, we don’t care.” *grins*

But what was worse than work was the commute to and from it. I dunno why, but Thursday and Friday, it just seems like there’s been more than a few idiots who drank too deeply from the moron juice. I even had to brake very very hard to avoid hitting a brainless dunderheaded dolt with a side order of stupidity, moronity, and idiotity mixed in, who thought, “Hey, I’ll just pull out of this side road right in front of this car…” *smh* A single fraction of a second later, and my car would’ve been in the side of his van. Honestly… *sighs*

The sooner I get away from this place and those roads between where I currently live and where I work, the better. Although I know it’s probably trading one set of idiots for another, but at least the roads from the place that I’m hopefully getting (it’s now with solicitors, no contracts’ been signed or anything, so we’re still a few weeks away from that…) are slightly better, there’s a few dual carriageways, and so on… So hopefully won’t be anywhere near as bad as the ones I go along now.

But that’s by the by… (*frowns* You know… I have no idea where I heard that phrase before… I must’ve picked it up from a book or something?)

Umm… Yeah. Anyway. What I actually wanted to write about was something that I saw in an twitter exchange between two ladies that used to follow me, and now neither of them do. *lol* Dunno why, maybe it’s my online campaigner rants? *grins* I certainly didn’t say anything bad about either of them…

But… The twitter exchange that I saw was about one person’s… choice of career, if you like. Basically, she’s working as an escort and the other one was a little critical of her choice. If you like.

And that got me thinking… Why do some career choices bring out such a reaction? AS far as I’m concerned – and I dun think this will really surprise anyone that really knows me – but…

Well… See, there’s absolutely no way that I could (even if I ever wanted to) be an escort (I’m pretty sure, even if I wanted to, that the lesbian escort market is kinda tiny…!), but I say, as long as you’re not getting pushed into it, that you’re not getting forced to do something you don’t want to do, and that you’re happy to do this, and that you’re happy to be classed as something like a “glorified prostitute”… Well, quite honestly, I say good luck to you. See… We’re all of us are different. In my case, the only things I had going for me is that I’ve got an imagination and like writing, and I had some skills with computer programming. So… You know, there weren’t that many options open to me. Same with other people. Some do manual labour, some are clever enough to become doctors, some are lucky enough to get away with conning people throughout their lives and become President of the USA, and so on. In the escort case, as she said, she’s not exactly book smart, and she is beautiful and she’s obviously thought about it and decided that she was okay with it, she was okay with potentially sleeping with a considerable number of guys and so on. So… You know, in that case, I say good luck to her.

It’s the same thing with some ladies going into webcamming. There’s these stories that I’ve heard where some few – and it is only a few, the vast majority don’t even get close to those levels – can earn $1000s in a single night. And, again, most of them will have thought about it, they’ve decided that they’re comfortable with going nude in front of hundreds, thousands, of people, and that they’re willing to accept the risk that their nudes will be saved and shared online with thousands more. And again, I say good luck to them.

Because the thing is… Most of them have made their conscious choice after (I hope) thinking about it, and as long as they’re happy to do what they do, and that they’re not getting forced into doing things they don’t want to do… That’s all that matters.

Because, well… We don’t really have many choices when it comes to earning money – most of us have to work to be able to afford to live. We can’t all be conmen, or sponging off their rich parents or anything like that.

Believe me, if I could quit IT right now, and be guaranteed that I can just write and earn enough with my stories and everything else… I really, really would. But I dun have that guarantee, so I have to stay working in IT for as long as I need to. But I’m working to change that round. Whenever I get the chance, I’m sitting down and writing. If I’m good and lucky enough… I’ll be in that position to change my career sooner or later.

So, no… I won’t pick on anyone for their career choices. I may not want to do it, but as long as you’re okay with it, that’s all that matters.

Cleaning, books, and Women’s March

Heya guys! How’s your weekend going? Hopefully you’re having a lovely weekend and that everything’s going really great with you.

Me… Well, I woke up with a ache in my neck – just slept bad. *sighs* I know, so typical. *grins* Not complaining, though, and it didn’t stop me from doing what I wanted to do today, which was to do housework – laundry and all that – and I managed to get a lot done.

I also managed to finally finish the Terry Pratchett book that I’d been reading on and off since like, the beginning of the year (Raising Steam), and… It took me a while to realise why it was taking me so long. I just wasn’t able to get into it. And thinking about it, I hadn’t really been able to get into many of his books lately.

Kinda makes me think that I’m… Well, like a fair few books that I’ve owned in the past, I’m wondering if his books are something that my changed tastes have left behind. I’m not planning on getting rid of them yet – but at the moment, I have little to no interest in reading his books again, and I’m debating whether to hold off on reading his last Discworld story – never mind the other books (like Nation, Dodger and the set of five that he wrote with Baxter) that I still haven’t read either – and go read something else for a while… Although it’d be more accurate to say re-read, since looking at the books I’ve got left, those eight Pratchett books the only ones I haven’t read yet… Hmm. Well, like I say I’m not gonna do anything about them yet, but will probably come to a decision come end of the year…

Today was also the Women’s March – mostly in protest against the new US President. And I completely backs it. Wasn’t able to go to one (honest, though, I didn’t hear about it until too late, but I’m intending to donate to what I can, if I can. It may be that I’ll have to donate through a proxy, because last time I tried donating to one of the US organisations for change (this was in order to protest at one of the numerous law agencies attacks on POCs), I had difficulty because I was based in the UK. I’ll probably chat with my bestie after I post this and see what she thinks.

I’ve been following it and I’m so proud that we’ve had over 200,000 over here in London alone protesting, and not just for women’s rights, but also LGBTQ+ rights as well. But seeing all those people coming out protesting – despite what certain people are trying to do – in cities around the US is heartening. Because they’re all saying they won’t be silenced, no matter what the racist and sexist neo-nazi tries.

But we need to make sure this isn’t an one-off. We need to keep making sure that those rich white men who only cares about themselves don’t get away with keep everyone else underfoot any more.

Last day of my birthday long weekend…

Heya! So, today’s been the last day of my long 4-days birthday weekend. And as before, just been doing whatever I want to do. Like, this morning, I headed out for a couple of hours, just round to Cribbs Causeway, outside Bristol, just to browse the shops. It was raining and the rain isn’t exactly that nice in winter, so I thought, gonna go and browse the shops. Not that I bought anything – anything that I wanted to buy, I’d already got on my trip to Bristol on the 7th. But I did get some normal shopping done – was running a bit low on a couple of supplies. *lol*

What I mostly did today, though, was downloaded and played Grim Fandango (the remastered version) on the PS4. I remembered playing this and beating it (albeit with the help of a very useful walkthrough provided by my brother!) when I was, like… 11, I think. It was released in 1998 – according to Wikipedia, anyway – so I reckon it was 1999 when I played it. Maybe 2000? Dunno. Anyway, yeah, I never actually owned it, but my brother had it, and he allowed me to play it on his PC over the space of a few weekends. Well, you know, family visits and all that…! *grins* It was basically a question of “Hiya brother! How are you?? Can I go play Grim Fandango??” *lol*

I had to look up a walkthrough this time round, because I couldn’t remember how to do the tree pump puzzle. Most of the other stuff, I was fine with, apart from finding out how to get all the trophies. I dun think I would’ve ever figured out a few of those – the Robert Frost one, for example, or the Showing off for Your Girl one, but most of them, I think I would’ve.

One thing I’d never figured out back then was how you were supposed to work out what to put on the counterfeit ticket stub, in Year 2 (Rubacava) – I means, I knew the answer, but I didn’t know just why that was the answer… *lol* It wasn’t until I saw what was mentioned in the walkthrough (yeah, I was curious after remembering that puzzle when I got to it) that I knew how it was supposed to be done. Umm… Yeah. Couldn’t make it any less obvious, could they? *lol*

Anyway, I got through the whole game today. The wonderful thing about having the game now is that I actually now know what was going on in the cutscenes. Honest, the game back then – unless there was a setting I missed – they didn’t have any subtitles in the cutscenes, so I was seeing all those pretty pictures and those skeletons’ mouths opening and closing, and not a single clue as to what it was all about. I don’t think I ever really knew just what was going on. As far as I think I knew, it was basically about Manny letting the women he fell in love with go and disappear and all, and he was trying to find her again. But I didn’t really know that much about the Double-N tickets.

Mind you… It was nearly 20 years ago, so I dun know how much I remembered from the past and all. *lol*

I do remember absolutely loving the whole neon-lighted Calavera Cafe from Year 2, and I remember kinda thinking that that was what I was gonna have when I was older. *lol* Yeah, no, I think that was really a pipedream that was never ever gonna happens. But I definitely had a massive hit of nostalgia when I saw that again for the first time. 🙂

Ahh… You know… Giving myself a kind of like birthday weekend period was a good idea. It didn’t feel like I had to kind of rush around to try and make myself feel like I was having a decent birthday. Instead, I was able to take my time, treat myself, do what I wanted to do for four days and I had all that daylight (what there was of it, anyway, considering it was cloudy and rainy for most of it…) to make the most of it.

It still wasn’t the best, and I definitely would like to go somewhere warmer with a bunch of lovely friends (or girlfriend! *grins*) and just enjoy spending time with them. And if I could, I would definitely treat my besties and (still hypothetical) girlfriends in whatever way they wanted to do.

One day. Maybe even from next year!

For now, though… Well, it’s the end of the long weekend. From tomorrow, back to normal, and back to trying to make sure I manage my money okay over the next few months – February, there’s car insurance to pay, and March is bills month (Honestly, why do every company decides they wants everyone to pay in that month??), plus I’ll have to take my car for a service and MOT in that month as well. Joy…!

Anyway, it’s fine, I’ve got more stuff coming (the online purchases and all that), and I’ve got my bestie’s birthday to look forward to, even if she isn’t really all that into getting presents (honestly, the amount of times I’ve asked her if there’s anything she liked and she just go “not really”… *smh* And when I do try to do something different, get her something that I think she might like, she’s all like, “Thank you, but…” *lol* So in the end, I just try and make sure to give her as good a time as I possibly can…), so there’s that. There’s a few events going on in March, but that’s in March. I’ll worry about that at the end of February…

But yeah… Back to working on weekdays, and trying to do as much creative writing as I can when I can – and if I can’t do anything creatively, do some other kind of writing! Plus, hopefully doing a bit of gaming every now and then. I still wanna mark more games as completed by the end of the year than I have done over the past few years… *grins*

Okay… Gonna stop here for now. I’ll see you guys soon!

My birthday blog!

Heya guys! It’s my birthday! Yay! *lol*

Well, it’s now nearly 5pm here and I’ve been out for most of the day. First, I went to wander round the shops in central Bristol – I didn’t go out for anything specific, but if I did see something that I’d like then… I would buy it straight away. And I did. The only thing that I bought were two Star Wars books from the “Legends” era – The Jedi Path and Book of Sith. And I bought them because I’d heard about them ages ago and been meaning to get them cos they sounded interesting from a, if you like, mythological background for a fictional setting (which I freely admit, I’ve always been massively interested in…) and I was lucky enough to spot them in the shop and thought, “let’s get them!” So I did! 🙂

Oh, and I went to Bristol Cathedral first. I wanted to spend a bit of time there, before I got on with wandering around Bristol shops. It was nice to take a pause and pray and all that… *nods*

Then it was over to my parents, for a nice lunch. Unfortunately, my mum was really ill overnight – apparently, some nuts that I bought back from work disagreed with her, and she used to love nuts. Sadly, I guess, that that’s another thing to cross off the list of food that she can eat… :/ I gave them the nuts – and the corresponding bottle of wine that the company gave every one of their employees for Christmas (but I was out in the week they handed them out) – because I have never ever liked nuts, and I’m a teetotaller. So I didn’t really get anything from the company for Christmas…! *lol* But I thought, well parents might like nuts, and I’m sure someone else in the family – like one of my brothers – would appreciate the wine.

Anyway… Yeah. My mum’s taking some indigestion medicine and all – something that’s a pink liquid, I didn’t see the name – and hopefully she’ll start feeling better tomorrow. If not, I have told my parents to make sure to call someone about it and maybe start getting some kind of treatment. Honestly, though… All the nuts that were in the packet, she ate them all before and never had any problems. My dad had some and he’s fine – so it’s not like there’s anything actually wrong with them, it’s just a reaction for some reason… Anyway… The rest of the nuts and the packet have been thrown out now. *nods*

From the family, I’ve got a couple more games – Persona 4 Golden for PS Vita, and Odin Sphere: Leifthrasir for PS4, plus a fair amount of sweets, which I think will last me the rest of January! *lol* I’ve also got some points cards for Nintendo’s systems, and some gift cards to use on Amazon. Which is nice. I’ll probably be doing some online shopping later.

The downside of my birthday, though… Well, there’s two main problems at the moment. Firstly, like I said before, I only really get like 7 hours of daytime on my birthday, and that’s really kind of a downer, quite honestly. Just doesn’t feel long enough. But I guess that’s what you get for being a winter-born… :/ The second problem… Well, as you might’ve guessed, because I’ve lost a lot of friends over the years because of that decade or more of my mental problems, I don’t really have anyone to go out and celebrate it with. Ideally, I would love to be able to go out and spend a nice warm evening out with friends somewhere – this is probably heavily influenced by “Death In Paradise”, but I can’t really think of anything better than a seaside place, me and a bunch of friends, just enjoying ourselves, watching the sun go down at like 7pm, and I’d be able to go and spend time individually chatting, and hugging and everything with each one in turn. Just having a lot of fun.

Instead, right now… Well, like I say, my evening is more or less planned to be gaming and maybe chatting with an overseas friend online and all.

But… You know… This was pretty much the same last time, except that last time, I was really in the height of my last depression attack. so it was like… I was determined to have at least one half-decent day in 2016, and that it would be my birthday. And it was alright, but… *shakes head* Things weren’t brilliant then, let’s say.

This time round, though… While I still feel a bit down that the day’s too short and I dun have anyone local to spend time with outside of family, I’m actually feeling much better mentally, and I just know that things will be much better from now on. And hopefully, when my next birthday comes round… It’ll be considerably different.

Also, of course, I’m actually planning on doing something extra on the Monday, since I’ve got that off as well. Nothing major, but maybe I’ll go somewhere a little different? Haven’t really decided yet, and the weather might have something to say, but… Just to kind of make up for the lack of daytime and all! *grins*

Right, okay… Think I’m gonna try out the games and do some online shopping. I’ll see you guys soon!

Happy New Year!

Heya guys! How goes the first couple days of the New Year for you? Mine, honestly, it’s been fairly relaxing so far. Been spending a fair bit of time writing – but only video games guides, nothing story-wise. But they’re progressing really well – my last word count was almost 10,000 words. You can tell my guides are probably gonna be ridiculously long! *hee* But hey… I dun care, like I said before, it’s not like Imma gonna be showing them to anyone else. It’s just for me, and it’s nice to be able to just tap away at the keyboard and work out exactly how I’m gonna be writing it.

And you know something? By doing all this, my mind’s basically at the same time just clicking away at stories. I’ve written down (on paper) a couple of brief ideas. Whether I’ll do anything with them is a different matter altogether, but again… The fact that I’m working on them, and working on how I put things together as well – even something like a guide can help you work out how to construct things – I think it’s a good start.

Obviously, the main intention’s really to work mostly on creative stuff rather than guides and the like, but… For now, I’m happy with how things are going. And I am (so far, although it is only the second day! *grins*) sticking to my aims, especially the one about writing every day.

Sadly, today also marks the end of the Christmas break from work. Yep… Tomorrow, I head back to the drudgery of IT development coding and everything else, dealing with cold office spaces, annoying people, and long commutes… Fun(!) *lol* Never mind. That’s the way things are right now. It’s up to me to make the changes that I wanna make to my daily life, and I’m slowly working my way towards doing just that.

If I was to make an unofficial aim, I would say it would be to leave IT development work behind me permanently by the end of this year. Is that possible? Well… Honestly, who knows? The best way to look at it – in fact, I think it’s probably the only way – is to do what you can to make the changes you want to make in your life, to improve your life, and let everything else handles itself. In my case, because I’m a Christian, I would say, do what you can, and let God handle the rest, but I think it’s fairly applicable, whatever you believe in, or not believe in, as the case may be. Some people will say the religious figure of their life, some will say, “With luck”, some will say “let the Universe handles it”, and so on. Whatever you leave it to, I think there’s always gonna be something that’s basically… Kind of like, you need that something else extra to make that last step for you, if it’s not something that you can do by yourself.

Of course, I could be wrong, and I’d just need to talk to someone who knows about these things far better than I do to point the way forward for me, but I dunno who!

Anyway, so… My birthday’s coming up this Saturday. At the moment, I dun really have anything much planned. Probably head over to see parents, and hopefully spend time with friends and all, but by and large… It’s honestly not gonna be anything special. *shrugs* But then, I honestly dun expect it to be. The only good thing that I can say about it is… I’m in a much better mood than I have been so maybe this time round, by the end of the day I won’t be really down. *nods*

Comes of living on your own, really! *grins* I would’ve loved to have had someone to cuddle up with at the end of the day and all that… But that’s the way it goes! Maybe next time…! 😀

Thankfully, I do have Friday and Monday off as well, so I can have a birthday weekend, kind of thing. Just to kind of make up for the fact that daytime is still only something like 7 hours here… And it’s getting colder now. *smh* *wraps another layer over me* It always starts getting colder over January… I guess because it’s technically the middle of Winter. Even though the days are supposingly getting longer, it’s not that noticeable yet.

Hmm… What else? Well, I also tried out that “The Trail” game on the tablet. I can’t really make up my mind over it, to be honest. On the one hand… It’s a nice, fairly kind of relaxing game, but on the other hand… At one stage, most of the clothes that I was wearing in that game were near breaking point, and I had nothing to replace them with. *smh* I’m also kind of wondering if I’m supposed to be doing something a little bit different – like, am I supposed to be going back over previously walked stages and more or less “grind” for the basic materials and improve my crafting ability when it comes to clothes? Everything else is kinda secondary, it’s the clothes that I think need working on.

*shrugs* I dunno. I could just simply be over-thinking this. *grins* Either way, I dun think I’ll be spending that much time on it. It’s got promise, but… I dunno. Something just doesn’t click with me with that game.

Okay… I’m gonna stop here for now. I probably won’t be writing again until Wednesday or Thursday – I can imagine my first day back at work will be pretty tiring… *sighs* But whatever. Things will change! See you guys soon!