Musing on my writing future…

Heya… How goes things? Hopefully, they’re all going okay for you, and that you’re having a nice relaxing weekend!

Or a liiiiiiittle bit more relaxing than mine is. *lol*

No, no, it’s not gonna be another whinging post. I’ve done that in my last post, so dun worry about that! (And before you ask, I’ll find out what gonna happens Wednesday, although looking around, I’m pretty certain I’ll be one of the two that’re picked to be made redundant. I’ve already pretty much emptied my desk drawers and everything else, because I just dun see much chance of me staying on.)

Okay, so… I’ve been thinking a lot about what I wanna do. And now, more than ever, I honestly feel like I wanna do this, I wanna switch over to doing something along the lines of writing. Whether it’s gonna be creative writing or something like that, I don’t know, but I do know that I want to try and make a serious go of it. And I’ve been spending a fair few hours yesterday looking at websites and the like to see how I can go about getting into it. And honestly… The hardest bit is gonna be making myself known, “selling” my skills and the like, as it were. And I genuinely have no idea how I can even possibly do that, because… I’ve said it before, but I’m shy, deaf, and an introvert. It’s not exactly a combination that make it easy for me to actually put myself out there, is it?? *shakes head*

Worse than that, though, is the fact that if I were to try and specialise in what I’m mostly interested in, it would be basically mythology and fable stories. Maybe a bit of history mixed in, but my main interest in history has always been associated with the mythological aspect of things. Doesn’t matter if we’re talking the classical stuff, like Greek, Roman, Norse, whatever mythology, or those that are lesser-known, like the Central Americans one like Olmec and so on… That’s what fascinate me.

I can also do documentation for IT programs – and I have done, both in terms of user guides and inner working documentation for work, but mmm… Sometimes, I have to admit, that can be a bit of a tiring struggle. However… If it’ll give me another opportunity, maybe I ought to think about that as well.

Reason I’m trying to think of topics that I could maybe write about is because people say you need to probably start off with at least a half-dozen different topics that you can maybe talk about. But if you look over what I’ve been writing in my blog and everything… Well, you’d think it was basically opinions on politics, LGBT+ rights, mental health, video games, books, films and TV, football… *lol* And the downside of some of these is… I’m not that good writing reviews! I can try and write them, and I do, but I gotta admit… It’s tough to try and write about specific things. Take games, for example… I dun care about controls or anything like that, as long as they work, and graphics are important, but I dun care if it’s photorealistic or retro or somewhere in between, as long as I know what’s actually happening. I’m more likely to moan about some erratic camera than how detailed the leaves are or whatever. I’d be much more interested in the actual story itself. (Yeah, I know… Go figure! *grins*) Still… Maybe I can do something with some of them.

I’ll be honest, reading some of the stuff that are out there, it can be a little disheartening, but… *shakes head* I’m definitely determined to at the very least try and break into that market a little bit.

The main focus, I think, is definitely going to be with my creative writings, but maybe I can also get somewhere with doing other forms of writings as well.

I have a few stories in my head, in quite a few different ranges, but the one thing I wanna do right now is to try and write down that romance story that I’ve been building up in my head for the past few months, ever since I got my writing groove back.

But… Sheesh. Sometimes… It’s hard. The idea of putting myself forward for something, anything break me out in a cold sweat, and I still get into a blind panic. Sometimes, I really wish I had someone that would be like… that intermediate step between me and the whole world, someone who knows what to do, or at least give me that impression they know what to do. *lol*

*sighs* I’ll probably try and see if I can get my mind and all sorted out later today, and make up some kind of plan as to how Imma gonna go about it. I have a vague idea of what, but… Hmm… I think I need to put together a list and see what to do. Maybe. Might help settle me down a bit.

The one thing I definitely need to do, though, more than anything, is not to run away. I dun means physically, I means mentally. Because this feels right, but… There’s this voice in the back of my head that basically try to tell me that I can’t do it, that I won’t do it, that I’m too afraid to make that step, and wouldn’t I rather just wallow in self-pity and all? That’s what I need to ignore… Sure, I might not succeed, I might get nowhere… But at the very least, I’ll have tried. And that’s the important thing.

Okay… Gonna go and try to put together some kind of list. Any suggestions, seriously, it would be so helpful! See you soon!

Had some bad news…

Heya… So, if you follow me on Twitter, you’ll have noticed that I received some bad news yesterday (Monday). Basically, the company I works for have announced that they’re gonna go through yet another round of redundancies, including more restructing of the development team. Considering that the team has shrunk from over 20 people to something like 8 (including managers), well… Yeah.

(By the way, I apologise in advance for this being a bit of a whinging post. I know many people have had it much worse than me but… I just wanna moan and let off steam! And then hopefully I can get looking into other options and moving forward with whatever I’m gonna do.)

My honest suspicion is that they are planning to merge the development team into the operation team (the team that does the front-line stuff), and if that’s the case… I can imagine that with the exception of the managers (of course they’ll be safe, they always are *rolls eyes*) – which means it’s down to the 6 of us – they’ll maybe keep one or two of us. And if that’s the case… I can think of 4 of those 6 who’ll be ahead of me in the line to stay on. And three of those people are long-timers so… Yeah. I can see maybe one of them voluntarily leaving, but all three? No.

Quite honestly… I’m sick of the whole IT thing. This is gonna be my third redundancy of three IT jobs, and every single time, I’m out of work for ages before I can get another job – I have so much going against me when it comes to trying to get a new job, not least of all the fact that I’m deaf. Try explaining to people that being deaf does not affect my general ability to do the job, all it means is I can’t hear as well as others, and I can’t use the phone and people still run away screaming. *smh* *sighs* And when you add to that the fact that I’ve been suffering from depression and everything all those other times… I just dun want to go back to that. And I dun want to be in that vicious circle anymore of being out of work for ages before landing a job for a year or so before being made redundant again. *smh*

What I was hoping for was to stay in this job for another year or two until I can get something sorted out with my writings and everything else, and then maybe start moving towards a different future with my writings, but as is… *shrugs*

I need to be careful. I’ve been thinking about this for ages, and I’ve spoken about leaving IT behind me permanently – I’ve often said that I felt like this would be my last IT job – and I genuinely do have the feeling that I can make a good go of being a writer, and earning something with that – I’m not sure if it’ll be enough to live on, but certainly something. And when I look at myself, and think about it – you know, like how people get those feeling that “this is the right thing to do” and all that? Well… I’ve got that feeling about myself and getting into writing more seriously.

Whatever style of writing that is, I don’t know. Ideally, definitely creative, writing stories and the like, but that’s… As many people will tell you, for every top writer out that that everyone knows about, there’s like a million that only sells a few copies. So, while I’m still gonna try and write stories and everything, I’m not gonna pin all my hopes on that. There’s other styles of writing out there, it’s just a question of finding the right one.

…The problem is, I honestly have no idea how I’m gonna get into it. I don’t really know anyone who knows anything about writing – I means, I know some people who are in the creative arts, but I dun feel like I could really go and ask them for help and information. Hmm. I need to look around online and see if I can find some websites that’ll help me to work out how to go forward with that.

If you do have any ideas or suggestions, please, feel free to drop me a message on twitter or whatever, I will totally appreciate it!

The one thing I’m determined to do, though, is not to let this affect me. Even if I have to go and stack shelves in a shop or whatever, I’m not gonna let this almost-certain redundancy affect me like the other times. Instead, I’m gonna treat it as an opportunity to actually get on with writing and everything else, and figuring out a new path forward for me.

I just have to hope and pray that, whatever happens… I’ll come through this in a much better place than before. It is gonna be tough, but… Yeah.

Regarding the house… Well, I’ve not heard anything, and I might lose a bit of the deposit money on fees and the like, but – despite what my parents have told me about helping me (and I really don’t want to do that – I don’t want to end up losing my parents money as well as mine. I’d rather that all mistakes are mine and only affects me) – the chances of me moving out and getting in there are now a lot more remote than they were on Sunday. But I haven’t said anything to the solicitors yet, because… Well, something might change and I might still be in a job (Dun get me wrong – I estimate my percentage chance of staying in the job to be less than 1%) after this.

But… Yeah. Whatever happens… I just gotta keep going and hope and pray that things will work out. I just know I’m tired of never being able to plan for the future or anything. May the future be different for me, and I can do what I really want to do, and be able to work for the present and eventually really plan for the future.

Another General Election…

Heya! Here’s a… well, it’s a bit modified from what it used to be. Originally, it was just a few paragraphs about the fact that we’re having another General Election, just two years after the last one, and the reason for it is – I think, fairly obvious – so that May can (as is sadly most likely) gets a bigger majority in Parliament while Labour are apparently “weak”, along with the fact that she knows she’s gonna mess up Brexit so badly that she thinks by being in Parliament a couple of years longer, everyone will forget about their massive mess.

Or if some other party came into power, the Tories will be satisfied with sitting back and watching the other party try to fix their mess. Either way, it’s fairly obvious that, to May and the Tories party, they think it’s a win-win for them.

And quite honestly, I find it sickening that they could be so callous about the whole thing. They’ve proven themselves over and over again that they don’t care about anyone but the 1%ers and they would rather see the whole country burns than do the right thing.

I really hope I’m wrong, but… *shakes head* I dun see that happening. With the Tories and their allies, UKIP, basically lying and deceiving everyone and pretty much controlling the media (from what I’ve seen, pretty much every newspaper and TV channel is basically giving all their support to the neo-nazis party…), it’s gonna be a long hard struggle to get anywhere.

Mind you, considering that those who owns something like 75% of the media outlets are affliated with the Tory party… It was always gonna be the case. The sooner we get rid of those… odious cesspits… and actually have people that will promote free thinking, the better.

And if you wanna see how bad it can get… Just look at what’s happening in the USA. I see “45” latest plan is to bully the USA to pay for the wall. A far cry from making Mexico pay for it, he now plans to get the US taxpayer to pay for it. When there’s far more important things to spend that money on. Flint, for example. But no, he’s too busy robbing the taxpayers to play golf on his own resorts and spending all the money he can on his own stuff. And there’s still something like 30% of Americans who still think he’s doing a fantastic job. I can only presume that consists of the rich white male 1%, and the other 29% are gullible morons who need directions as to how to spoon-feed themselves.

I’m moving to support the Make Votes Matters group. Because, as they’ve shown, the system we have of electing people means that sometimes… It doesn’t matter who you vote for, if enough people make the choice in the local area, that party will be the only representative in Parliament for the local area. Despite the fact that they might go in there with only 25% of people actually voting for them in the local area. And that’s wrong. We need to make sure that there is actual proportional representation in all levels, local and the whole of the UK. Otherwise… Well, as some people might say, what’s the point in voting if their vote won’t matter?

Everyone’s vote should matter. I dun care if it’ll means more coalitions. In fact, I’d probably welcome it, if it means that no party can be too powerful and maybe it’ll also means that we’ll have the chance to reins in some of the more extreme measures. You’ve only gotta look at the Tory party to see the point, with their snooper’s charter and everything else. They tried to do some of that when they were in the coalition government, but their junior partners refused to accept that – and quite right too.

Quite honestly, if it’ll stop the Tories from destroying the UK for the 1%ers, the better.

I haven’t decided who I’m gonna vote for yet. My head say I should vote for Labour, but… *shakes head* They haven’t got rid of that shadow of the war criminal yet. And he’s been talking out and saying he wanna go back into politics.

No. Just… No. If he comes back, he’s basically saying, “Vote Tories”. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out he actually is a Tory. The amount of time he seems to be wanting to pop up to destroy Labour… It’s really suspicious right now.

What I plan to do is, when I know who’s gonna run in the local area, I’m gonna try and find a comparison site of policies and pick one, depending on which one reasonates with me the most. It definitely won’t be Tories or UKIP, but anyone else is still up for grabs. I’m pretty sure that, in this local area, it’ll means Labour, Lib Dems or Greens. But we’ll see.

I’m just… tired and disgusted at just how obvious the corrupt Tories are trying to manipulate things to give them more power.

*sighs* Okay… I’m gonna stop here for now. Sorry it’s a bit of a downer, but… Just… Anyway. We’ll see what happens. Hopefully the week ahead will be a good one for us all, and I’m certainly aiming to try and write about other things throughout the week, instead of just on weekends! *grins* See you soon! 😀

Football talk!

Heya! This is my football post. I originally started writing this Friday evening, so I’ve just gone through it and made some changes and added a whole new section about how well or not “my” teams are doing this season…

But first… The bad bit:

If there was ever any indication that there is something badly wrong with a lot of people, this has to be something near the top: The man that was jailed last year for having sex with an underage girl was apparently recorded as saying he regrets he didn’t rape her. You know, like a certain other footballer that’s still currently playing football because he got released from jail and told he was gonna be tried again because his victim had sex in the past… *smh* (Okay, that’s a bit extreme, but no-one’s sexual past should ever be brought up when they’re victims of rape…)

*smh* And he thinks he was more severely punished because he used to play for England.

…Quite honestly, he showed no remorse, ever, for having sex with a 15yo. He showed no remorse for what happened to the girl he had sex with, especially when, somewhat mysteriously, her name (which I refuse to divulge, even if I knew it) was being chanted at the football ground along with unpleasant terms for her. And when I checked out some of the twitter reaction to the news, there were people – even ladies, LADIES! – who pretty much said they agreed with him.

I’m sorry?? You’re agreeing with a man who said he wished he raped a 15yo??

*grr* This is why I hate this kind of hero-worship of rich white men – and the guy in jail was rich, I’m not gonna say he was ultra-rich, but you only have to see the money that was getting paid out to Premier League footballers, especially those who played for England, to know that he’s got a fair amount put away. But there is a major problem when there are people out there that will make excuses for people who willingly commit crimes, like having sex with underage people, or rape, or anything like that, just because they happens to be rich, white and male. I guarantee you that, should the guy be black, those same people would be baying for his blood.

Personally I dun care what colour his skin is, I want to see justice firmly done. And since that guy is talking about raping her… Quite honestly, I would see him back in court and told that since he shows no remorse and even talk about doing worse to the victim, his sentence is to be extended.

Ugh. How anyone could possibly defend him is beyond belief. I would’ve thought that all the news coming out over the past few years would’ve showed and confirmed that there are some really sick individuals out there who got away with things just because they’re rich, white men.

…And then there’s the news about Nott County Ladies football team. *smh* One day before the start of the Spring Series season, the chairman of Nott County Football Club – which covered both men’s and women’s – has declared that he is disbanding the ladies’ football team.

One day. Before. Start of Season.

Ignoring all the question of money and bills and everything else, I want to say that this is very wrong for the people who are now out of a job. One, at least, has posted on twitter that she is now jobless and homeless. Honestly… I just think it’s disgusting. You took over the club that has money trouble, fine, everyone knows that, everyone knew there was huge problems, but the way that chairman treated those players and all staff concerned with the ladies’ side of the football club is disgusting. Especially since the transfer window is shut. There’s currently question marks over whether any of the players will be able to join other clubs for the Spring Series. The guy really should have either a) Given those players and other staff a _lot_ more time to leave and join other clubs back when the window was open – ie, announce that he’s closing it before the start of the transfer window – or b) Told everyone that he will keep the club open for the duration of the Spring Series, but after that, unless someone else can come in and take over running of the ladies’ side of things, he will be closing it down. Thereby allowing those employed, players and staff, to play, earn money and make plans for the future – whether that’s joining other clubs or putting money away so they can afford to be unemployed for a time.

But, no, instead he decided he wanted to do it at a time that is bad for everyone concerned in the ladies’ side of the club, and mess up the Spring Series.

Just… I dunno anything about running a football club, I can understand that ladies’ sides are being run at a loss (and will be for a while yet, sadly, until we start to see a shift in people actually paying attention to ladies’ football and everything else), but even so… These are people we’re talking about here. People who need to earn a living. And what that chairman done is… Quite honestly, it feel like he wanted to be vindictive.

This is a major problem when the FA and all decided that they wanted the ladies’ to get associated with men’s teams. Because what was gonna happens was, the ladies’ were gonna be totally under the whims of the people running the men’s side, and should there be problems – like at Notts County – it was clearly obvious that the ladies were gonna be in serious trouble.

I means… We can perhaps say that those associated with the rich clubs, like Chelsea and Manchester City, are fairly safe, but all it takes is one chairman to say, “I’m cutting losses”, and those clubs will be in serious trouble.

We really need to get things sorted out at the top level of ladies’ football. We cannot afford to keep things the way they are because I can see this kind of thing happening again. We need to have some way of being able to encourage people to go watch the ladies’ football, and maybe the shift to the normal footballing season might help, especially if they can arrange it so that men and women can play at the same ground on the same day and sell joint tickets for both as well as individual games. And maybe get more TV exposure. I know there’s plans for the BBC to show more highlights, which will be good. Still a shame we don’t have the chance to watch live matches (think they’re on some obscure channel no-one ever heard of and no-one pays for), but highlights are good.

We’d also need another good performance at the Euros in a few months’ time, but… Considering what’s been happening there with the ridiculously early squad selection for England, can’t say I can see that happening right now.

So, what about the local teams? Well, Bristol City are almost safe. They’re on 51 points with two games to go and Blackburn are the last team in the relegation zone that can still catch them (they’re on 45 points, with two games, and it’s three points for a win). Ideally, we’d want one more draw and then go from there.

I gotta admit, I was disappointed with City’s season. I didn’t think they were gonna go up or challenge for the play-offs or anything – I was predicting mid-table, bottom-half of the table, but that they wouldn’t have any real relegation trouble – but for whatever reason… They did struggle for some time.

Bristol Rovers… They surprised me, in a good way. I predicted at the start of the season that I’d thought they’d initially struggle to make any headway in League One after two successive promotions before settling down and moving up the table to maybe mid-table top-half, but they did far better than I thought. They were even in the hunt for a play-off place at one time (They can’t do it now, but they’re still top-half, and it’s been a really good season for them, I think).

This is gonna sound weird, but to be quite honest, I’m very thankful they didn’t go up this season. I honestly think, if they did, they would massively struggle to avoid going straight back down. The Championship is probably the toughest division anywhere in the world. I’d rather see Rovers stays in League One for another season and build a much stronger team so that when they do go up… They’d have a chance of staying up, and going from there. It would be great to see Rovers established as a Championship-level side.

Bristol Ladies… Well, I’m glad the Spring Series won’t be seeing anyone get relegated, because I think it will be a huge struggle for the ladies. But in a way… It’s also good for the team. The people at the club will know just how big a step it is (yes, I know they were only down for one season, but even so…) and I’m sure the manager – Willie Kirk (yes, I know…) – will already be thinking of how to get the club from being at the bottom to getting towards mid-table and establishing themselves as a WsL1 team.

And… That’s all. I did write other bits and pieces, but I figured I’ll just post the above. I’ll make another post tonight, about the politics – will be mostly UK, but I’ll probably mention other countries as well! *grins*

More VN talk!

Heya! So good to be back posting again. My own fault, I had two half-finished blog posts (in notepad files!) waiting for me and I didn’t go back to them. Sorry about that, but I promise I will go back and finish those off probably tomorrow morning and tomorrow evening and there’ll be three posts (including this one) this weekend. And then…

Well, I realised that with the departures – we’ve got another person leaving the development team, and he’ll be leaving in July, to go with the one that’s leaving at the end of this month. And while people are saying we are gonna eventually replace the one that’s leaving in July, we’re still down to three developers in the whole development team. *sighs*

So… Undoubtably, I’m gonna be pretty busy every day at work right now, which means I’m gonna have to make doubly sure that I make the most of my time. Unfortunately, I did also have a bad headache on Thursday, which didn’t help. But Friday, and today… I’ve been getting on with things, and I feel good about getting on with it all.

Basically, I’ve got almost everything that was on my to-do list crossed off. And it’s only Saturday evening! *grins* Was almost expecting it to take until tomorrow morning before I could do it all.

Anyway… One of the things that I had to do – not that I particularly wanted to do it – was to transfer my VN data from the standalone AmeMix applications – Astoria and all that – because they were gonna close those applications down and just have LoveStruck around. The reason being, basically, they’re a small team and they felt they couldn’t really manage maintenance on three standalone apps and the main one that they’re working on now. And, to be fair, I can understand that. I dun know enough about game development to know how much maintenance work they need to do on standalone apps, but considering that Google and Apple are always improving their systems, I guess it probably makes sense that, at the very least, with every upgrade they need to make sure it all still work and everything else.

The good news is, since I first posted about LoveStruck, AmeMix has – very kindly, I thought – decided that the best way to allow those, like me, who bought those stand-alone apps in the first place would be to allow us to read those stories in one go and making whatever choice we want to make, with the need to spend tickets or “hearts” for premium choices. I tried it with another stand-alone app first (Castaway, in fact), before I risked transferring over my Astoria data, and thankfully it all works fine. I’m currently going through Medusa’s story. Again. For about the twelfth (had to look it up – didn’t think “twelveth” looked right…!) time. *hee*

It is different, there’s been a few minor modifications, and the way they handle the change from three sets of six episodes each (plus one free prologue) in one chapter to something like 19 episodes in one chapter means that you don’t get to see the meter that tells you whether or not you’re making the right choices for the passionate ending (if we still even have passionate or thrilling endings any more – I’m currently about two-thirds of the way through the first chapter, and those point of views are now a separate selection in the app) and the fact that you can’t pick to re-read individual episodes any more is a bit of a pain, but… That’s the way it goes. *shrugs* I’m just happy that I’m still allowed to just sit down and read my Medusa stories all the way through without having to wait for tickets or whatever to recharge.

I still don’t think I’m gonna be using the tickets or anything else for the other books – much as I’d like to read Aurora’s last chapter or Serena’s last chapter – because the problem I mentioned before still stands. But as long as I’ve got Medusa… That’s the one that I really really love. And I love being able to read it all. 🙂

What I would’ve suggested is that the developers of these VNs – not just AmeMix but Pixelberry Games and so on – allows the reader choices. In other words, to either be able to read it for free and spend credit for premium choices, -or- allow the read to pay a fixed price upfront and be able to read it all without having to wait or anything. I know if I had that choice, I’d be buying stories from both teams like a shot.

And some stories need that option. I got lost with a couple of Pixelberry’s stories, just couldn’t remember what was going on.

Ahh… I still wish Medusa existed for real. *grins* Oh well… One day, I’ll meet my own Medusa! 😀

Something else I’ve noticed… Every time I see one of those films or whatever that features Medusa, I’m like… “Leave my wife alone!” *lol* I knew… Hmm… Possibly when I was about 10 or 11 that the original story I’d read and seen on telly and all had been… amended… from what the apparent original version was (I say apparent, because we are talking about a story from over 2000 years ago, which had been amended and expanded upon probably numerous times), and since learning that, I had a lot of sympathy for Medusa. But after reading those stories… Yeah. I’m pretty much now completely on Medusa’s side.

I’ve never really been fond of the Greek Gods, especially Zeus, for fairly obvious reasons. I do sometimes wonder just why the writers of those mythologies decided to make the gods the way they were… But then again, those stories have lasted this long, so… Yeah.

Okay, well… I’ll stop here for now. Like I say, I will make another blog post tomorrow morning. Just have to pick one of the notepad files to finish off first! *grins* Probably the one about football, leave the politics one until the evening. In the meantime… Hope to see you soon!

Last Days of Jesus Documentary: My views

Heya! How’s your Easter going? Mine’s been okay so far. Nothing special, but it’s nice to be able to actually go through Easter and remember what is – for Christians – the most holy day for us. And I’ve been able to do that with a much clearer mind than I have been able to for, well, forever really! *lol*

But there’s something else that I kinda wanted to discuss, and I dun want to turn it into a rant or anything, so I’m probably gonna be modifying this more than a few times before I actually get round to posting it! *grins*

So what’s this thing that I wanna “discuss”? Well, UK TV’s Channel 5 – and from what I’ve seen online, it was also shown on various channels around the world – has decided that, on Good Friday, they would show this documentary called “Last Days of Jesus”. From the description, I knew that it was likely to be fairly controversal, but in a way, I dun mind that – I like being able to see what people are saying, I like the idea of being made aware of various theories. It doesn’t means I have to agree with them, but hearing about these things does interest me. And this…

…Well, it was definitely controversal – they were basically saying Jesus was working with Herod Antipas and some Roman soldier called Lucius Aelius Sejanus, who almost became emperor, before being charged with treason and having his name almost completely scrubbed from history, in an effort to change how things were being done in Judea in those days.

The problem is… Despite it being something like two hours of them trying to persuade us that the theory they’re putting forward is something that is worth considering – and I won’t lie, in places, they were fairly persuasive – when I sat back to think about it, I found myself just thinking just how much proof did they actually give us? A few strange oddities in the Bible and trying to reconcile it with other sources (especially regarding Pontius Pilate), and one or two other bits and pieces that they gave out – the palm fronds, for example, and them saying that the only time that they could really do that moment of laying out the palm fronds in front of Jesus as he rode the donkey into Jerusalem was actually in Autumn, rather than Spring. And so they’re saying that the last week of Jesus should really be something like the last six months of Jesus, and aligning that with what’s been happening in Rome, when Sejanus’ involvement in the murder of Tiberus’ son was uncovered.

But… Again, for something that’s two hours in length (I’m presuming that in some countries it was split up into 30-mins segments or so, but for the UK, they decided to show it all in one go), they really didn’t actually give any definite proof that there was any corrolations between the three of them, and they only picked on a few short segments in the Bible, and nothing about the rest of what the Bible was saying, especially with regards to what happened after Jesus’ death.

Quite frankly, I was kinda disappointed. I think it’s fairly known that I do have my problems with the Bible, and that I am of the opinion that the Bible – and all the other holy books out there, whatever religion it may be – are written by imperfect humans, and we cannot take everything that’s been written in them as gospel, for want of another word. (Although, contrary to what I just said, I do firmly believe that Jesus is the Son of God, who’d died and rose for our sins – and believe me, I am aware of the conflict because it’s hard to reconcile faith with proof sometimes!)

But when you are trying to put forward a new theory, you need to be able to give a lot of what you’ve found, not just two or three possible pieces of evidence, and why it all appears to match together – and most of all, you need to allow people to offer their counterarguments. Everybody in that documentary – which was, what, 5, 6 people? – were all on the same side, trying to put forward that theory. And sadly… What they gave in the end, in those two hours, were somewhat flimsy at best.

I dun really want to go through them, because there’s better people out there who can give much better counterarguments than I could, but let’s pick on a couple: First, their claim that Jesus was allowed to go into the temple and basically kick out the people who he accused of turning the temple into a den of robbers. They claim that the reason that Jesus was allowed to do that in the presence of the priests without any repercussions was because the Romans stopped them from doing so. But the Bible states that Jesus more or less went straight there while the whole city of Jerusalem was stirred from his entry. I would argue, rather, that the reason they “allowed” him to do that without any immediate repercussions would be more to do with the fact that there was a lot of people around – I don’t think anyone, soldier or priest or otherwise, would want to risk the ire of that many people, at least not without at least a roman legion backing them up.

And the connection between Jesus, Herod Antipas and Sejanus? I can see how there could be a connection between Herod and Sejanus, but Jesus and the other two? Their “proof” is that Jesus had a couple of Herod’s close relatives counted amongst his followers – but there’s nothing that specifically states that they were in there. Just that some of his followers were rich women, who allowed them to purchase food and the like. They’ve got that idea, but they haven’t been able to offer that definite proof of any link between the two.

And why was Pilate displayed in the Bible as different to how he’s shown to be in other sources? Well, they kind of touched on it in a different context – the Bible was written and disseminated and translated and passed around to various sources, primarily in Roman-dominated areas – if it’s getting given around to Romans, any representative of Rome in the Message being passed around are almost certainly going to be presented in a better light than they would normally be. Again, we’re talking about people who are basically translating and writing with the knowledge of who their audience are going to be, and while the main context of the message is the same, not everything that surrounds it will be.

It’s just… disappointing, really. I was hoping for something that would allow us to seek and question further, and maybe get closer to what things were like in the days of Jesus, but instead we have a few theories without very much proof, just more questions.

*shrugs* And those things are off the top of my head; like I say, I’m certain someone far more knowledgeable in history and Bible studies will be able to provide a much more comprehensive answer.

Okay… I’m gonna stop here for now. I dun normally like discussing religion too much because I think everyone should be free to believe what they want to believe, but I did want to try and put something down about this program, and why I wasn’t convinced about their theory in the end. Hopefully, I was able to do so without turning it into too much of a rant. I’ve skimmed and modified a few things here and there, so… Yeah, hopefully it’s all okay! See you guys soon!

Looking forward to four-days weekend!

Heya! Whew, it’s been a long and tiring week so far. I’m totally ready to have a nice long four-days weekend right now! Unfortunately, I’ve got one more day to go yet. *cries*

Why has it been so busy? Hmm… Well, I think it’s a combination of things that are happening. Obviously, one of the things is demand – there’s been a lot of demand from various people for things that need to be done, and almost all of it has been coming in at the same time. Which is fine, if it wasn’t for the ridiculous time frames that some of them are asking for it to be done by. *smh*

The other reason is resources. I’d posted on twitter that I’d heard – this week – that our longest-serving developer, who’d been there for 8 years, is leaving at the end of April, so naturally at this time he’s more or less being winded down from taking on development work, and he’s being asked to pretty much write up and document everything that he’d been working on. Especially since he’s basically the guy that’s been doing all the .Net and website-based work… Fortunately, we do have people who are capable of picking it up when he goes. And our contract developer is leaving today (Thursday), so we’re going from having 5 developers to 3. And I’m gonna be the longest-serving developer. *shakes head* Honestly, I really dun feel like I’ve been there for that long (and it’s only been a couple or so years).

But also the development team has been asked to help out the frontline team which deals with getting data from the databases, etc, and doing calculation work and making reports out of them (excel spreadsheets and so on), and the frontline team, ever since December, has been short of resources themselves, so at least one developer every week has been helping out the frontline team.

…Yeah. Time and resources, like I say. Bit of a mess. There is supposely less demand coming in in the next couple or so weeks, but… I’ll believe that when I see it.

I think it’s safe to say that the company is going through a bit of a hard time at the moment – not getting rid of people, but they’re not replacing people when they go unless absolutely necessary. And it’s currently unknown when that will change round… *shrugs*

Personally, I just try to keep my head down and not think about that kind of thing too much. But hopefully it will get a little bit less ridiculous. Take yesterday, for example… At the start of the day, I had one thing to do – some testing for another developer – and I was expecting it to take me at least a few hours yet. By mid-morning, I was asked to do another two pieces of work – one development, one testing – and then just after lunchtime, was told to stop what I was doing and test this urgent piece of work that need to be done before end of day. And that piece of work was really messy, took me ages to unravel it. Thankfully, the code was (once it was unravelled) fine and worked okay. Otherwise… Yeah, no.

Oh, and while I was doing that urgent piece of work, was asked to get some extract output out to another person by end of day and given yet another piece of development work during that same afternoon. *smh*

…Yeah, like I say… Ridiculous. *sighs* When I go in this morning, I’m gonna have to put together a list of what I need to do and arrange it in terms of priority. Not gonna be able to do all of them today, but I dun think I need to, anyway. I do have something set up so I can see at a glance what I’m supposed to be working on, but I need to go look at it and rearrange it, because yesterday, I was having to add them all on to that list without ordering it. *lol*

And there’s been times that I just wish I could get up and not worry about that kind of thing anymore. *grins* I definitely wanna be a writer… Working for myself, kind of thing, no need to worry about money or anything… That would be wonderful. And I can take breaks whenever I want to, and just relax and unwind. It’s telling that this week, I’ve been having more headaches than I have had in past weeks. Stress, that’s what it is… :/ I can handle the job load, I can just add it to the list and work my way through it, but when you get given a half-dozen of them and told some of them are to be done within the hour or whatever… Yeah.

Never mind… Just have to believe that things will change and will get better – and they have been in many ways, I gotta say. Just gotta keep moving on.

The four-days weekend… Yeah, I dunno how many countries do this – I know the USA don’t – but here in the UK, we have Good Friday off, and because Easter Sunday’s on the weekend (obviously!), we also have Easter Monday off. I know the country’s getting less religious, but thankfully we are keeping these two days as bank holidays days.

And what do I plan to do over that lovely, lovely four-days weekend? Well… Got a bit of housework to do. *lol* (Always the case, I know!), but outside of that… Relax, play games, and hopefully I’ll do some writing as well – not stories, but I’m hoping to do some more work on the background and mythology of “Yore!”.

I’m definitely not going anywhere except the shops this weekend. Everyone will be out on the roads, and everything will be packed. *shudders* I’d rather stay home and relax rather than trying to get somewhere or find space to relax in amongst all the rest of the horde that are doing the same thing.

Despite the headaches and everything else – including the struggle to sleep properly (again) – I actually feel good. Like… I’ve got things that I wanna do, and while some of them are temporarily on hold, they’re still there for me to do, and I’m looking forward to getting on with them. And, I’ve not heard anything new, but the house-purchase is still ongoing, and if it keep on going in the same way… Should get it fairly soon. Hopefully, in May, and then I can get out of this place with its horrible neighbours and into what I hope will be better for me. Certainly gonna get more sunlight, I know that!

It’s a struggle right now, but… There’s a lot to look forward to, and a lot to be happy about. See you soon!

My one-year anniversary!

Heya! I’m back!

So so sorry if you were missing me soo much, there’s just been so much going on that every evening, I would be coming back and basically have too little energy to anything but catch up on TV that I’d missed… Or sleep. There was a lot of napping, I can assure you!

But enough of that! Do you know, today is actually my anniversary of blogging here?? Yep. This day last year was my first blog – honestly, I’m totally amazed! I mean, yeah, I knew I had to think long and hard about starting up a blog and everything else, but… I’ve been doing this for a year now! Me! I’m the one people say don’t stick at anything and don’t finish anything, and yet look at me! Still blogging! Yay!

*grins* Sorry, it’s just… I didn’t even realise it until I looked at the date and thought, “Hey, wasn’t this when…”, looked it up and it totally is!

And look at what I’ve done over the past year… I managed to stay pretty much depression-free for the whole year – this past winter is honestly the first winter that I didn’t sink into S.A.D. or any other kind of depression or anything like that for over a decade. I’ve started writing again, and while my creative writings has been more or less put to the side for the time being (basically, I’ve got too much on my mind to get all the words in my head put coherently together to make a story. I’ve got about three or four separate short stories rattling around in my head, but when I’ve tried to put them down on paper right now, they’re coming out mixed up…), I’m still writing, mostly this blog, and self-video-games guides for my own benefit. And outside of that, I’m now starting to work on my physical self, as well as continuing to work on my mental health. And I’m hopefully going to be moving out of this flat and into what I hope will be a better place for me. It’s not perfect, but it will hopefully be better for me.

But honestly, out of everything, the biggest achievement has been actually working on myself to get myself in a better place mentally. Because, honestly, up until last year, I didn’t know how much longer I was gonna be able to cope.

There are some downsides, of course… My main downside is the fact that I’m not as close as I used to be with some people, and that’s pretty much my fault, because I’ve been looking at myself, and working at myself that in a way, I’ve had to kind of step back and start trying to rely on myself more than leaning on people. But I think I’ve done it the wrong way. :/ Hopefully, now that I’m in a better place, I can maybe start trying to get back closer to people again, and the first step to doing that, of course, is getting back to talking and writing and everything.

But I do wanna put it out there. The people that I’m thinking of, including my bestie, knows just how much I love them, and how much I appreciate their patience with me. It’s gonna take me time, but I wanna make it up to them, and show them the real Angel, the Angel that they saw glimpses of a long time before I could. I couldn’t see the real me at all. Sometimes, the girl that stared back at me in the mirror, I didn’t recognise.

And now… The girl’s looking back at me is… a bit older, but much happier, and more to the point… I recognise her, and I’m seeing what people see in me. 🙂

Thank you for sticking by me. I really do love you so much. *hugs* Hopefully, we can start getting closer again and having lots more fun together from now on!

So, what’s the future gonna hold? Well… I’m certainly not gonna stop blogging anytime soon, I’m hoping to move, and after I move, I’m hoping to really get down and write loads of stories and the like, as well as everything else that’s I’ve been wanting to do.

Despite the problems that I’ve had with the car and so on, I am in a much better place than I was last year, and I aim to keep on getting better. This time next year, I want to be happier mentally, much better physically and looking forward to a much better life than I could’ve imagined even a few months ago!

Okay… I’m gonna stop here for now. But rest assured, I’ll be writing again soon! See you soon!

Queensland and England Ladies

Heya everyone! How’s your week going? Certainly hope it’s going better than mine so far… *smh* Nothing bad, haven’t heard anything more the car or anything like that, it’s just been busy all day every day. *shakes head* I’d like a bit of time to do other things guys!

*sighs* Anyway, I’ve got a bit of time in the morning before I have to head off to work… Hopefully, not too bad at work today – the past couple of days have been spent doing investigations, mostly, as well as meetings. Fun(!) *smh* But today hopefully promises to be a little bit more settled so I can probably start looking at my phone to keep on top of things on Twitter and all…

But today… I kind of want to say a couple of things. First of all, it’s a little late, but I really do hope everyone’s okay in Queensland. I spent a week or two in there (When I was living in Australia, I was based in Melbourne, but I did go to visit a friend who was living in Cairns at the time, and I took that opportunity to go and see the Great Barrier Reef – and believe me, Cairns was gorgeous, lovely and warm and sunny – and the girls were just as hot and gorgeous too! *grins* Would’ve loved to stay there, but… That’s the way it goes). So yeah… Hope everyone’s okay in Queensland, and hopefully all the damage can be repaired fairly quickly.

I still dun agree with the convention of naming these storms. It’s a bit unfair on people with those names, especially if it’s been a bad or damaging storm. Just to take an example from (recent) history, I’m willing to bet you anything that the name “Katrina” has gone way down in popularity.

If we must name these storms, at the very least let’s refer to them after people who have proven themselves to be scum… From history or otherwise. Hurricane Cecil Rhodes, for example. Although quite frankly, that’s still just giving them more media time than they deserves.

The other thing I wanted to talk about was the ridiculous nonsense sprouted by the England ladies’ football manager, Mark Sampson. He has decided that he will name the squad for the Euros 2017 in April. A few months before the tournament actually starts, and before the Womens’ Spring Series league starts. Yeah. That’s right. The Women’s Spring Series is going to have a whole season of ladies playing, and they’re gonna know that whatever they do that season, they know they’re already in or out of the squad.

I means, honestly, seriously? Mark Sampson has made a few calls that I disagreed with (the selection of some players and the non-selection of others players, but that’s just my opinion, and everyone has their own opinions as to who should be in or not in the squad), but he’s the manager, it’s his choice, but this is… Stupid. What if some of the girls plays abysmally during the Spring Series? Is he seriously gonna tell them, “I don’t care, you’re still going to the Euros.”? What if someone not in the squad plays out of their skins and is named the best player in the whole league, scores goals, the whole lot. Are you seriously telling me no matter what, she’s not gonna play in the Euros?

*smh* Sorry, but that’s just wrong. Players who go to the Euros should be picked on merit. Of course the manager’s got a choice, but just deciding to ignore the whole Spring Series? No way should that be the case.

If it turns out that this crazy plan works, and the England ladies does win the Euros, then I will hold my hand up and admit that he got this right, but personally… I genuinely think that this is a very bad decision and will backfire. Right now, despite everything that he’s done in getting England up to 4th in the world rankings, I’m… honestly worried that England aren’t going to get out of the group stage.

A lot can happens in the months between, and I think it’s just wrong to include or exclude players before seeing how they’re doing in those months with matches and the like.

Guess we’ll have to wait and see. And with that said, I’d better get ready for work. See you soon!

Daylight saving time!

Heya! We’re finally on daylight saving times here in the UK, so everything’s currently an hour later than people think it is… *grins* Personally, I dun mind daylight savings – the evenings are lighter for longer, and that suits me just fine! *nods* It does means the mornings are still a bit darker when I go to work, but it’s not dark dark anymore. And won’t be until winter time later this year, November time or thereabouts.

I honestly dun mind the change of hours – it’s not like I sleep that much anyway so… Yeah. As long as all the clocks / watches / etc are changed, that’s the important thing. Although I’ve only got two things to change – the others are automatically changed.

Car news… Well, it’s definitely the cam belt that’s broken. They’re looking at the valves and everything else because that might be broken, before they start giving quotes for repairs. Realistically, I’m looking at around £600 or thereabouts, but… Yeah, we’ll see. I doubt I’ll get my car back before Friday, or probably next week. :/ *sighs*

Never mind… Just gotta get on with things. It just would happens in March, wouldn’t it? The most expensive month of the year for me. *smh* *dry laugh* Guess I’m not gonna be able to buy anything for me until maybe June or July now, what with everything else that’s going on.

Today’s Mother’s Day here in the UK – and yes, it’s a different day and month compared with probably the rest of the world. Dun ask me why. Well, I kind of know why… Apparently, it used to be more commonly known as “Mothering Sunday”, which is some kind of church tradition? Nothing to do with mothers at all. But over the years, this became known as, you know, Mother’s Day. And when it came to determining when it should be, it just basically stayed on the same day as Mothering Sunday would be, instead of changing to a day in May or something.

I dun really know that much about church traditions, to be honest. I might be a Christian, but I haven’t been to church for ages (quite honestly, I dun really get much of what they’re talking about so… I could do more by staying at my place, reading my Bible and Bible guide book and praying and meditating by myself than I would by going to church).

That dun means to say I dun like going to churches, though. But I would prefer to go when there’s no service there, and just wander around the place in quiet and probably light a candle or two.

Anyway… Since it’s also Mother’s Day, of course I gave my mum a card! No presents – she, well, both of my parents have told me some years ago not to bother with presents. Simply because there’s nothing they actually want that they can’t get themselves. They’re more into memories nowadays so… Yeah. They keep saying, “We’ll be happy with a nice card”, so that’s all I tend to give them. *shrugs* About the only presents I give them these days are like cinema tickets if there’s something that they might like to watch. And even then, of course they could just go there themselves, but…

Okay… I know this is short, but just wanted to drop a few lines before going back and doing more gaming! *hee* See you soon!