Heya… So, if you follow me on Twitter, you’ll have noticed that I received some bad news yesterday (Monday). Basically, the company I works for have announced that they’re gonna go through yet another round of redundancies, including more restructing of the development team. Considering that the team has shrunk from over 20 people to something like 8 (including managers), well… Yeah.
(By the way, I apologise in advance for this being a bit of a whinging post. I know many people have had it much worse than me but… I just wanna moan and let off steam! And then hopefully I can get looking into other options and moving forward with whatever I’m gonna do.)
My honest suspicion is that they are planning to merge the development team into the operation team (the team that does the front-line stuff), and if that’s the case… I can imagine that with the exception of the managers (of course they’ll be safe, they always are *rolls eyes*) – which means it’s down to the 6 of us – they’ll maybe keep one or two of us. And if that’s the case… I can think of 4 of those 6 who’ll be ahead of me in the line to stay on. And three of those people are long-timers so… Yeah. I can see maybe one of them voluntarily leaving, but all three? No.
Quite honestly… I’m sick of the whole IT thing. This is gonna be my third redundancy of three IT jobs, and every single time, I’m out of work for ages before I can get another job – I have so much going against me when it comes to trying to get a new job, not least of all the fact that I’m deaf. Try explaining to people that being deaf does not affect my general ability to do the job, all it means is I can’t hear as well as others, and I can’t use the phone and people still run away screaming. *smh* *sighs* And when you add to that the fact that I’ve been suffering from depression and everything all those other times… I just dun want to go back to that. And I dun want to be in that vicious circle anymore of being out of work for ages before landing a job for a year or so before being made redundant again. *smh*
What I was hoping for was to stay in this job for another year or two until I can get something sorted out with my writings and everything else, and then maybe start moving towards a different future with my writings, but as is… *shrugs*
I need to be careful. I’ve been thinking about this for ages, and I’ve spoken about leaving IT behind me permanently – I’ve often said that I felt like this would be my last IT job – and I genuinely do have the feeling that I can make a good go of being a writer, and earning something with that – I’m not sure if it’ll be enough to live on, but certainly something. And when I look at myself, and think about it – you know, like how people get those feeling that “this is the right thing to do” and all that? Well… I’ve got that feeling about myself and getting into writing more seriously.
Whatever style of writing that is, I don’t know. Ideally, definitely creative, writing stories and the like, but that’s… As many people will tell you, for every top writer out that that everyone knows about, there’s like a million that only sells a few copies. So, while I’m still gonna try and write stories and everything, I’m not gonna pin all my hopes on that. There’s other styles of writing out there, it’s just a question of finding the right one.
…The problem is, I honestly have no idea how I’m gonna get into it. I don’t really know anyone who knows anything about writing – I means, I know some people who are in the creative arts, but I dun feel like I could really go and ask them for help and information. Hmm. I need to look around online and see if I can find some websites that’ll help me to work out how to go forward with that.
If you do have any ideas or suggestions, please, feel free to drop me a message on twitter or whatever, I will totally appreciate it!
The one thing I’m determined to do, though, is not to let this affect me. Even if I have to go and stack shelves in a shop or whatever, I’m not gonna let this almost-certain redundancy affect me like the other times. Instead, I’m gonna treat it as an opportunity to actually get on with writing and everything else, and figuring out a new path forward for me.
I just have to hope and pray that, whatever happens… I’ll come through this in a much better place than before. It is gonna be tough, but… Yeah.
Regarding the house… Well, I’ve not heard anything, and I might lose a bit of the deposit money on fees and the like, but – despite what my parents have told me about helping me (and I really don’t want to do that – I don’t want to end up losing my parents money as well as mine. I’d rather that all mistakes are mine and only affects me) – the chances of me moving out and getting in there are now a lot more remote than they were on Sunday. But I haven’t said anything to the solicitors yet, because… Well, something might change and I might still be in a job (Dun get me wrong – I estimate my percentage chance of staying in the job to be less than 1%) after this.
But… Yeah. Whatever happens… I just gotta keep going and hope and pray that things will work out. I just know I’m tired of never being able to plan for the future or anything. May the future be different for me, and I can do what I really want to do, and be able to work for the present and eventually really plan for the future.